Wednesday, June 19, 2019

What I Don't Want

Have you ever been hungry but not really know what you want to eat?  You go through the roster of the things in your fridge or things in the surrounding area that you can eat.  You're like, "No.  Not that."  You don't know what you want but you know what you don't want.  I think that you need to go through everything in order to rule it out or check it off.  You aren't sure what you want but you are sure of what you don't want.

When I'm working with kids and I ask them what they want to be.  A lot of times, they will tell me that they don't have any idea of what they want to do after they graduate from high school.  I go through some assessments with them and sometimes in the middle, they will be able to tell me the area they are interested in.  Some I would go through each of the recommended areas and recommended jobs and they would just reject each job one by one till we get close to what they want to do.  It's harder to articulate what they want and easier to reject what they don't want.  

I am feeling this as I am looking through men.  I am not too sure what will work with me but I think I have an idea of what will not work.  I am reading through the profiles and I find that there is something a bit off about one or the other.  I look at the faces as if they could tell me something.  I measure their words.  This is not a hard thing.  I'm not invested so, there is an easiness to being picky.  In fact, I recommend being picky.  Be as picky as possible!!!  I am not thinking about if they like me.  I'm not worried about anything.  Proverbs 3:5-6 says:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path."

There is something ultimately, should I even say it, attractive about confidence.  There is something... otherworldly about being secure.  My heart is not broken if someone doesn't like me.  I'm not upset if I miss a connection.  I am trusting in God with my whole heart and I am not trying to make sense of things.  If God wants me with someone, guess what?  I'll be with someone.  If God wants me by myself, so be it.  I want to believe that He knows my heart and He knows what I can take and what I can't take.  I'm not even going to pretend that I have any idea that I know what I'm doing, because I don't. I really really don't. 

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