I used to be such a great flirt. I don't know if I can say that it's a New York thing or a Latina thing but back when I lived in New York, I was great at flirting. I would even go as far as to say that I was able to flirt in my sleep. One flick of the eye to do that non-corny wink. I could call someone over to me with just a glance. I had perfected the semi-smile that definitely would tell you that I had a secret and maybe I would tell you. I would be able to ask, "what?" with my nose. I didn't even have to use words. Words. I would say that words are my area of expertise and they escape me in this current online dating millieu. Obviously I don't want people to know that I am insane with my first response. However, since I'm not really invested in this endeavor, every now and again, I find that my response after Hi is... Hi. This is the response of a great wordsmith. Once I found myself asking, "Who do I want to be?" Man, I need to get this identity thing going.
I have been told that I am a flirt. My father would tell me all the time that I was a flirt. I have been accused of flirting when I was just having a conversation. Could I be flirting and not know it? Is that even possible?
I came to Arizona and found this crazy societal dynamic. People didn't flirt. I think it may be because it is a car state and not a pedestrian state. I would meet people all the time who would compliment me or flirt with me in New York that was not offensive. Some were offensive but that is another post for another day. I remember walking and one man came up to me and said, "You have beautiful eyes." And continued walking on his merry way. It is an appreciation for my eyes, not an illicit invitation. I miss this and I would talk about it with Santi. He agreed. Arizona is not a flirting-friendly state.
I was talking to my friend on the phone the other day and he told me to hold on as he needed to get something from the McDonald's line. I listened while on the other line as he flirted with the cashier at the register. I could hear him being playful and making jokes. It was flirty. "Who are you flirting with?" I asked him. He responded that he wasn't flirting. He was making conversation. No, it was more than that. He was appealing to the other person and making the other person feel at ease. The other person allowed this dialogue and there was a state of flirting.
I have a much younger co-worker that I like to flirt with at my job. It doesn't mean anything. We are friends. It makes me feel at home when he throws me a wink. We laugh. It has become part of our communication. That's what we do. I have another person at work that we communicate through fighting. That's just the way that it is.
I would like to be friendly but not suggestive. I would like to be pleasant but not send mixed signals. I feel that flirting can be misconstrued easily. I love flirting when it is understood that I'm just flirting and I will go on my merry way and you will go on your merry way. I try to flirt now and it's like, "Who is this old chunky lady talking to me this way?" Man do I need to work on my flirting!!! So take a moment and think about how you flirt. And if you see me winking at you, I'm practicing.