Thursday, April 29, 2021
Tuesday, April 27, 2021
It's All God
I was hungry today. Right now, I'm sitting here watching The Gilmore Girls- The Later Years. I don't know what it is called. It's the one where they are old and there is no Sookie (Well, not in the beginning). I haven't finished the series and this would be the end. I started the series out with my daughter and she left me to fall in love with Anime. Lorelai, the mom is getting married... FINALLY- to Luke. They are talking about the wedding and out comes the donuts, which brings me back to me being hungry today.
I have a confession. I did something weird and wonderful today. I sat in the parking lot of the Sprouts and ate a few tacos. They came from Jack in the Box. I was in an air conditioned car munching very happily on cheap, bad tacos that tasted like everything right in the world. As I sat there in the air conditioned car crunching on these tacos, I marveled pretty deeply on how good God is. That kind of blissful moment I want to put in a jar and pull it out on crazy days when I need to remember the good in life.
I bought some Sprouts sushi because the one by me makes it fresh and it isn't on sale on Wednesdays. I found gluten-free cupcakes with lemon icing which ended up coming with me. I got in line with a cashier. I don't like self-check out. I wait on a line with a cashier. I feel like she is necessary and keeps her job when I use a cashier. The woman who was being checked out had a whole cart of food that she was buying. I didn't begrudge her her cart as I stood there with my few items. I did note that the cashier was a little on the slow side but I was still very happy from my tacos. It was when they came to the end of her list and she was shocked at the price. She consulted her phone and then... And then... I watched her as she picked out four things and said she wanted the rest of the order voided. The cashier started voiding each item one by one. By this time, the sweet woman in front of me had let me go ahead of her as she had a cart of things. I wanted to be mad at her. I really did. I wanted to record it all and post it on a news site. She turned to me and said, "I'm so sorry." She had four items that she had decided to buy from a cartful of food. It was like half an hour before a manager came over and deleted the whole ticket.
I ate a gluten-free lemon icing cupcake just a few minutes ago. I love lemon flavored everything. Geoff and I went to Lowe's the other day and he asked me if we would have a fruit tree in our backyard. I said, "Yes, lemon or orange. I love orange blossoms." The blooms on the lemon trees were ready. We sniffed the flowers. (Lorelai and Luke are talking about their wedding and feeling married already, right now on the show.) I feel so much like Rory just said, "I want to remember it all." Me too, Rory. I think about my great God. Who am I that You think of me? May I always find the core of who I am in You, Lord. God, bless my family, please. Bless them all!!!
It's time for bed and I continue to be thankful for Royal Blue pearlescent nail polish. I am grateful for my job as exhausting as it is. I am thankful for my children and my home. I am thankful for what will be. I am all over the place today. Lemon pastries that make me think of a lemon tree and home. Happy Tacos that bring me happiness in a Sprouts parking lot. Women that don't remember that today is not Wednesday so the sale at Sprouts don't start. Enjoy your mango, cucumbers and halibut, Lady. Most of all, thinking of of my Great God and being happy to find love again. God. It's all God. Praise the Lord!!!
Thursday, April 22, 2021
Tuesday, April 20, 2021
A Light in the Darkness
The Worry of These Days
I came home today and I was tired. I brought work home to do it. I didn't do it. Instead I vegged and as I vegged I thought about all of the things that are currently on my plate. There is a marriage to prepare for; a wedding to plan in less than two months. I started writing the guest list and started hyperventilating. I was supposed to fill out some forms. I was supposed to investigate the marriage licenses. There is a loan to figure out. Yes, a loan!!! I know. I'm so tired. I did something to my shoulder and now it hurts when I move it. I have a confession: I think I'm getting a little panicky.
I came across a dress. I needed a dress and it was stressful to me. I had been combing the clearance racks looking for a plus sized prom dress that I could use as a wedding dress. I have to tell you that I was becoming desperate. I wish I could have shown you some of the contenders. I don't know what made me look on the app for a wedding dress. This one was already cleaned professionally. The price was right. When I tried it on, I knew. I knew that this was the dress and what the wedding would be like. It was a blessing. God is good to me.
I can almost hear Him say, "How could you be worried now? Really, Elle?" I know, God. Maybe it's the guest list that has me a little crazy. Maybe it's looking for a new job. Maybe it is just applying for the licenses. Wow!!!I have a lot of things on my plate.
I'm done for now. I am tired and in need of rest. I have time to worry about the things that I didn't do yesterday. Yes, this is the life that I am living. I have taken time to pray. I'm still a little antsy but I'm trying to take all of these anxieties and leaving them with God. They must have a little bit of static cling, they keep coming back to me. Be in prayer for me if you feel like helping. Man!!! My life is so full of me these days. Pray that they could be filled with less me and more God. Praise the Lord!!!
Monday, April 19, 2021
Still a Hot Mess
I'm writing and I am contemplating all of the many moving parts of my current life. There are a lot of moving parts!!! I have to stop sometimes and tell myself, "Elle, you are getting married." "Elle, you are changing." "Elle, just in case you didn't know, you are still a hot mess."
I am currently having some type of allergic reaction. I have just taken allergy medicine. Just in case you were wondering, I am gluten intolerant. It would appear that I have contaminated myself with some gluten. I'm telling you this as further proof of my hot-mess-ness. I'm attempting to write this blog before the benadryl hits. If I get loopy at the end, it's because of this.
All of these changes have given me perspective. There is a lot of perspective to be gained. At this point about two years ago, I was thinking about dating. I was contemplating opening myself up to people and I had started my letter writing campaign. Three years ago, I was grieving. Last year, I was wondering what would become of me in this Covid world that had just begun. I couldn't predict any of this. Please understand that this has to be God, right? Only God could have changed the trajectory of my life. This is not me at all. I can't even stay away from sugar. Man, when I think about who I am in the grand scheme I am grateful that I have God in my life. You can see that, can't you?
I am in prayer. I pray these days mainly for dear friends who have contracted Covid. I pray for parents who have issues with their children. I pray for my children and my family. I pray for the chips to fall in good places. I think I see the light at the end of the tunnel for some of the stuff. Thank You, Lord for being in my life. Man, I love me some Jesus!!! I highly recommend prayer, especially if you are a bit of a mess or in my case, a hot mess. I hotter mess on toast. I need Jesus. Praise the Lord!
Thursday, April 8, 2021
Wednesday, April 7, 2021
The Onset of Menopause
Tuesday, April 6, 2021
Get in the Car!
They say that timing is everything. I have been thinking of timing. You should know that I am not really good at it. I tend to be late to everything. I have to write things down and mark thing up in order to keep track of time. I am not one to worry about deadlines. I know that I should but I don't. I think I understand that it isn't about my time, but God's time. I want to be impatient behind the slow car that has me boxed in. I want to be impatient about working with a student that reads slowly. I want to be impatient about everything but then I remember that this life I am living is really not so much about me. If this is true, then, I could afford to live in God's timing.
Recently, a friend of mine reminded me about the old joke. I'll retell you it.
A hurricane hit and there was to be flooding. A believer living in a house prayed to God to save him and had faith that God would save him. A neighbor drove around in a car telling the man to get in. The man simply said, "God will save me." A relative came by and said to come into the boat. The man simply said, "God will save me." Finally a helicopter came to the man on the rook of his house and begged the man to get in and he simply said, "God will save me." The man drowns. When he goes to heaven and meets God he says, "Why didn't you save me?" God says, "I sent a car, boat and a helicopter. What more do you want?"
The significance of the story is resonating with me now. I think it points to something to have three separate people in three days remind me of this story, a story of threes... I have been waiting. I think it may be time to move, act, pray. I am praying that I don't rush things. I pray to understand when to get into the car when it is offered to me. I believe that God makes it clear when He wants us to do things. I pray to be paying attention and be attentive to God's prodding.
Geoff reminds me of Proverbs 3:5-6: "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight." Easier said than done but I'm trying. In the meantime, Praise the Lord!