I Am Fine

I always am so surprised to find that I still have words.  I journal my prayers and I write letters and texts to friends.  The only time when I lack words is when I have to sell myself.  Then, all of the lovely words disappear.  Isn't that always the case?

Today, I woke up to work and I am by my computer.  I am at ease.  Praise the Lord.  In a minute, I will continue working on my school work.  I will attempt to finish it all today before I take my son to his Bible study, before my daughter and I will have a few moments alone to do girly things.  Right now I am fine. 

I have been struggling.  Struggling with getting older; struggling with body image; struggling with school work and work work; struggling with identity; and other outside stimuli.  I don't always win these struggles.  There are days that I lay defeated in a puddle on my bed waiting for Jesus to come.  But right now, I am good.  Right this moment.  I am okay.  There is a break in the clouds and the sun shines, quietly and sweetly upon my face.  Today the quiet is not heavy, nor does it remind me of loss.  Today the quiet is peaceful and kind.  Thank You, so much for moments of calm.  And friends to check up on me.  And Your Word that gives me hope.  Is this what it is?  Hope? 

I am hopeful that despite anything I may go through, I have God and He is with me.  I am never alone.  I am not forsaken.  So, God's got my back.  Praise the Lord.