Her Birthday

 Tomorrow, on a Tuesday, my daughter will be 14 years old.  I look at her.  Well,  I look at both of my children and... I love them.  You would hope that I love them, right?  I don't know how God in His grace allowed me to have such children.  I am thankful to God for them.  

Janet loves the stories about what she was like when she was a baby.  She is smart and extroverted.  She is exceedingly kind and fair.   She is loving.  I won't spell out her shortcomings here.  I am happy to celebrate my daughter.  We are a family that wants to celebrate the goodness of God for bringing us to each other.  

My late husband used to love celebrating birthdays.  He would plan small intimate celebrations with balloons and homemade cake.  He would like to decorate home made cards and put streamers up.  We would turn off all the lights and sing Happy Birthday.  We were blessed to celebrate such happy times.  I wanted my children to remember what it was to be celebrated even when they feel they don't deserve it, such is the nature of grace.  

She had fun today.  We woke up late and before I knew it, a celebration came together.  My friend, Gia told us something like, "Who else but God could bring this all together?"  Yes!  Exactly!  It was like I planned it.  It was so good to see my lovely girl laughing and being a child with other children.  

Later this year my son will be 16. I have him for 2 more years.  Already I am sad and crying.  Time goes by so fast.  Just yesterday they were children, they were babies and now... I want to slow time down a little bit.  I don't have this luxury.  I must sit back and be thankful for what I do have.  I have them now.  I have them under my roof with me.  When they ask me to do something with them, I do it.  This is the time that it matters. These are the moments they remember and I am thankful for them.  Praise the Lord!

Infirmity

The investigation has been done.  I have a torn meniscus in my right knee.  No one anticipates getting injured.  When I think about how I fell, it is a true miracle that there is less injury than more.  I am thankful.  It has been hard getting around and the treatment is tiring.  I am feeling my age and it takes more time to do things.  You should know that I always underestimate time.  

I found myself worrying about bills and the consequences and in the mire of stress and exhaustion, I prayed.  I said, "Praise the Lord."  I said it quietly.  I said it purposefully.  I wasn't feeling joyful.  It cost me to give honor and praise to the Lord.  I worshipped Him anyway.  God is good to me.  

I have been hearing that it is okay not to be okay.  Okay.  Romans 8 in its entirety talks about God and His goodnesss.  It talks about everything wonderful we have because of Jesus.  I mean, you should take a look at it.  In fact, I'll leave it down below.  Here is the thing.  In verse 37 it states that we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.  More than conquerors, like Alexander the Great, Xerxes or Napolean.  We are more.  Why don't we act like we are more?  So yeah... Praise the Lord!  If God is for us, who can be against us (again from Romans 8)?  

I may not be anything special.  I may be a hot mess on toast.  In fact, I may be a hotter mess than any one you have ever known.  Definitely messier than you (wink).  But I'm a hot mess who loves Jesus and even in my infirmity I will praise the Lord!  I think I am writing this more for me than for you.  God is good.  Taste Him and see.  Say a prayer.  How do you feel?  Better than okay?  Than go ahead and say those three little words.  Praise the Lord!  I can even make it easier.  Praise God!  If you don't even have that, then I recommend one of my faves, just say, "Jesus."  I'll end it all with Praise the Lord.

Life in the Spirit

8 There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.[a] 2 For the law of the Spirit of life has set you[b] free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. 3 For God has done what the law, weakened by the flesh, could not do. By sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin,[c] he condemned sin in the flesh, 4 in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. 6 For to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace. 7 For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God's law; indeed, it cannot. 8 Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

9 You, however, are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to him. 10 But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 If the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, he who raised Christ Jesus[d] from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit who dwells in you.

Heirs with Christ

12 So then, brothers,[e] we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. 13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die, but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 14 For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons[f] of God. 15 For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, “Abba! Father!” 16 The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him.

Future Glory

18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 19 For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. 23 And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. 24 For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience.

26 Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. 27 And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because[g] the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. 28 And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,[h] for those who are called according to his purpose. 29 For those whom he foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, in order that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those whom he predestined he also called, and those whom he called he also justified, and those whom he justified he also glorified.

God's Everlasting Love

31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be[i] against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us.[j] 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
    we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Courtesy of Bible Gateway

A Fall

 Life in this world has been crazy.  Let me pause for a moment and talk about the issue there is in this world with Covid.  People have been sick.  People have been very sick.  People have died and have lost other people in the world because of this virus.  When people talk about going to the Urgent Care, it is because there is a fear of this virus.  And there I am because I fell.   

My foot slipped.  I try not to be clumsy.  I am usually so careful.  I was looking for a student on my campus.  I was with another student and I work in an outdoor campus.  I don't know if my foot cleared the pavement but I went down.  All of me went down on my little wrist and my knee.  I have been so blessed.  I have evaded injury but for now.  What a blessing!!!  They think that I will heal... eventually.  There is hope.  

I am not enough.  I was never enough.  I will never be enough.  I think that I am whole.  Falling and being so incredibly vulnerable has only taught me how truly fragile I am.  Friends, I am in need of a Savior.  All of us in our humanity are in need of a Savior.  There is no real way to explain it.  I was lost but now I'm found.  I was blind but now I see.  

I found truth in the office of the Physical Therapy.  I was trying to move and he said that people heal and grow through the pain.  I stop now.  I never think of pain, any type of pain as a gift.  I have had some pain in my life.  There is  picture of my and my children after my late husband passed away.  We are all smiling.  We were in pain but we were smiling.  They are real smiles.  It was a miracle.  And yet, the people we were then would not be the people we are now if not for what we went through.  And God was with us that whole time.  We were saved.  There was good news waiting to happen.  It was okay to hope and trust in God.

There is pain in my body reminding me that I am healing and there was an injury that I sustained.  I am thankful that it isn't as bad as it could have been.  I am thankful that I can still work.  I am thankful.  I'll keep you posted on my healing.  Let it be said that God is good.  He is good to me.  Praise the Lord!!!

Chrysalis

 As I sit here in my living room with my daughter, I am evaluating everything about me and my world.  Reflection is an important part of checking in with yourself.  If you were to see me on the street and ask me how I am doing, I would have to tell you that I, my Friend, am changing.  I am influx, there is no if and or but about it.  I want to finish my degree and do something with my life but I have no idea what.  I am waiting on God and waiting to see what will happen in my life.  So far, things are good.  I am not who I was five years ago.  Praise the Lord!  I am amazed at God's goodness in my life.  

I have found that working on education has led me to become slightly jaded about the institution of instructing children.  I mean, I suspect that there are people within the powers that be, that rely on the sensitivity and compassion of teachers to not pay them what they are worth in dealing with children.  Teaching is tough!  I truly think that teachers should be compensated for their time and efforts, especially since they spend countless time, money and effort above what they earn. 

I know what you are thinking.  Educators in the US only work 190 days a year.  But I think that teachers are "on" for far longer of their day and after a full day of being "on" they have to prepare for the next day of being "on."  At the end of the day, the only energy we have left is to turn on the television and veg.  What is left for our famillies and our own children?  Just thinking about it all leaves me tired.  

So... I have decisions ahead of me.  I mean, what do I want?  If I knew this, I will probably not have the need to write so much to process all of my internal thoughts.  I will tell you sincerely what I want.  I want my children to love God and follow His ways.  I want their prayers to be like my prayers when their children are born.  I want to leave a legacy of Jesus.  What does it matter what I do with my life?  I mean, can I really add any value?  Is a word enough?  Are there words that are strong enough to change the world?  Maybe this is what needs to happen in a chrysalis?  No matter what, I am not who I was prior to this transformation.  I am making a decision.  I will try really hard and trust in God.  I will trust Him in my dark spaces as I wait.  It's nerve wracking but there is a method to the madness.  I will praise God in the storm and laugh while I do it... maybe.  LOL!!!  See!  I'm already practicing.  I am going to leave this here and say, "Praise the Lord!"  I will keep you posted.