I am a teacher. I am a teacher in a world where there are not enough teachers. There are not enough teachers because people don't want to stay a teacher once they get here. There are not enough teachers because there is too much work for not enought pay. There are not enough teachers because the teaching profession does not feel like a respectable profession, therefore, the younger generation are choosing to be other things and I don't blame them. To make up for the lack of teachers, more work is placed on the existing teachers. We hear complaints about these teachers...
I am hurt. When I said that I was jealous that someone was able to take a break, to take a nap after working from home that they said that I have summers off and holidays off. Yeah, that's cool. You ever give a presentation? How long does it last? I bet you that you don't usually have to convince your audience of the benefit of just listening. I bet you don't repeat your presentation more than once. Are you tired afterwards? Are you bone tired? I am bone tired. I teach the most vulnerable. There are meetings before and after my long day. There is paperwork to do in the 45 minutes that I am given in order to be prepared for my meetings. Bringing the work home will call for 12 hour days more days than I would like to admit. I don't do it. I'm a contracted worker. I work when I'm at work but I usually work extra most days. There is just too much to do. I'm hurt and mad that people make it seem that I don't work enough. Maybe that's my own issue but it's still disrespectful.
My inability to catch up the work gives me issues with my personality. I have built up an inferiority complex that I am not enough because I can't do the work. There are lies. I know that the work is too much for the few that are working, but it still feels true. Had I not been a contracted worker, there would be even more work still. I would have data goals and other things to consider.
Today I have to remind myself with tears in my eyes that it has been a bad day, not a bad life. Some of it has to do with hormones, I'm sure. Some of it has to do with exhaustion. Another part of it is worry and dissatisfaction. What would I do? What do I want to do? Am I brave enough to try something new? I am finding that maybe I'm not brave enough to try something new. This by itself is cause enough for alarm.
I read somewhere something about how the public understands that teachers don't teach because of the money. The system is taking advantage of educator's love and dedication to their profession. Teachers are professionals. We earn our days of rest and we desperately need it. How long do you usually hang out with other people's children before enough is enough? 180 day is enough? Have you ever met a kid that you mentally think, "Man, I'm glad I don't have to be around this kid!" What about the teacher that is with the kid more than his/her parent? What do we do? We spend our own money and try to buy something to entice/bribe the kid to learn, for the benefit of learning. I believe in education. I believe in the power that education gives. I believe that knowledge is truly power. Teaching is a fight, and today it feels like I lost the battle.
As teacher appreciation comes up, think of your teachers; not just your child's main teacher, their resource room teachers, their speech teachers, their OTs and PTs. Think of the school nurses and the secretarial staff who try to reach your child. Take a moment and think of the teachers that helped you when you were in school.
Okay... Rant is over. I am getting off of my soapbox for the night and saying my prayers. I will try to look toward my good God for help. That's all for now. Praise God!