Loving Black Cats: Midnight

 I try to remember the year.  I believe it was either 2010 or 2011.  This would make Midnight either 12 or 11.  I have been calling him 13 years old.  No wonder he's upset with me.  In any case, a little boy gave him to me at the end of the school year.  I was working in South Phoenix in an elementary school.  He wasn't my student.  His mother didn't speak English.  "Do you want him?"  He was this tiny kitty.  The small boy told me that he was the runt of the litter.  When I brought him home, my husband at the time, Santi, told me that I had 9 days to get rid of him.  He has lasted so long already.  

Midnight was really my baby.  He loves to snuggle and be carried vertically.  He was the only cat I knew that liked to be carried.  He was so small and sweet.  He got along well with our oldest cat, Samson right from the start.  When we brought Barkley home, we were scared to introduce them.  Later, it was Midnight that would hang out with Barkley.  They were such good friends.  

One day, a window was accidentally left open. The kids and I went out, it was just after Santi passed away.  We went to church and when we got home, there was a dog and one cat waiting for us to arrive.  Samson was so upset.  It was almost like he was waiting for us to get home.  David and I went around the block looking for a black cat in the dark of night.  I was crying.  I just lost my husband, I was going to now lose my cat!!!  

The next morning I woke up and went to the backyard right away.  I was standing there drinking my coffee when I see a sly black cat climb back over the wall to the house./  I didn't wait.  In bare feet and pajamas I went running and picked him up.  I felt a little like the father running towards the prodigal son.  I was just so glad he was back.  When I put him down, Samson sniffed him and licked him.  Big Brother missed him.

When we brought home Luke, the lucky kitty, Midnight was the one who showed him the ropes.  Luke loves to mess with Midnight.  I can find them sleeping together and fighting.  They are just so cute.  Midnight is my social butterfly  He loves company but hates the doctor.  Right now, he is fighting.  He has a lot of life in him.  We are coddling him as much as we can.  Sweet cats are a gift.  We are cherishing him while he is with us.  Every day with him is another day of the gift that is his presence.  Yes, it can be stressful caring for a disabled cat but he doesn't complain... until it is time to give him medicine.  So far, it takes at least three of us to give him his medicine.  My Midnight is such a fighter and I am so grateful for him.  I am thankful to God who has brought him into our lives to love and be loved unconditionally.  He, like so many pets are such a gift.  Praise the Lord!

Graduation Day

 It's night time already.  Let me tell you about my day.  Today was not like me.  I like to prepare and then prepare some more.  I usually like to have all of my Ts crossed and my Is dotted, if you know what I mean.  I didn't have too many ideas today on how it would all go down.  I mean, I had been thinking about graduation for years but not this graduation at this time.  Not getting the degree that I started out with has me feeling like an imposter.  I guess this is at the root of everything.

So, I had planned on doing my hair.  I did my nails.  I didn't have an outfit planned.  I didn't know the flow of the day.  I got up and was overwhelmed.  I wonder what Santi would have thought had he been here today.  I think he would have been proud of me.  I think all of my loved ones on the other side would have been proud but somehow I feel like I have let them down.  I aimed too high and I am only coming home with second prize.  

There is an acknowledgement and dedication page I will still post.  I'm working on that for later on in the week.  And yet, today there were moments that were hard and I couldn't put my finger on why.  As I got ready, I cried.  My husband had to talk me down. He told me he was proud of me.  Am I such a big critic that I can't be proud of myself?  It took me forever to get myself together and I drove myself to graduation while my husband went to pick up the children.  

It was lonely driving over to the university by myself and super early.  I kept on sweating and I ended up moving and then sweating some more.  I loved where I sat and I was happy to sit with some women who were graduating with me.  There was peace as I posted and people watched.  I waited for my family to arrive.  

There were some errors.  I mean, there were more than just a few issues.  Apparently, I didn't remind people that there were no purses and it had to be see through.  Some people didn't know where the graduation was to take place.  The lady saying my name mispronounced it and my people were barely able to catch me as I walked across the stage.  I'm sitting here thankful.  I don't know what God has in store but I want to believe that there are still big things in front of me.  Praise the Lord!

An Anticlimactic Graduation

 I have off this week for Fall Break.  Yesterday, I spent the day with my family on a family adventure.  Today I spent the day re-dying my hair and doing my nails because tomorrow, I will be graduating.  I believe greatly in graduations.  I always encouraged all of my students to walk when they had the chance.  There is nothing like the ceremony of graduating to come to terms with an accomplishment.  Yes, it's true that I still have the rest of one class and another class after this one to complete but in my mind, I am closing a chapter in my life that was long and hard.

You should know that I normally love a celebration.  I love the pomp and circumstance of an event.  Had this been the original graduation plan, I would have wanted a big celebration.  There is something about doing it in October, where my friends will not be able to join me.  One friend is traveling.  Another friend, I don't know what is goind on with but at the end of the day it will be just family.  I don't want to go out for a nice dinner to celebrate.  I just want to go to my usually Bible Study at church and post some picture.  I may be able to post the live stream and wouldn't that be awesome!

Here is the crux of this post.  I am relikeved at the end of the day to be mostly done at this point.  I will walk and I will quietly finish my classes and have just one more degree under my belt.  My sweet husband will tell me that this is quite the accomplishment and I am finally feeling that maybe it is.  As I have stated in a previous post, I look forward to reading books and watching television.  I look forward to being able to spend time on myself and maybe even... write more?  In any case, I am relying on the God who knows all things to walk me through all of this.  In case you were wondering, I'm still praising the Lord!

Menopausal Mama

 Now that my plans have changed.  I think that I need to change.  First of all, I now acknowledge that I can no longer eat the way I used to eat and have been eating.  I'm not moving the way that I used to and right now, I can't seem to get into the flow of a regular gym workout.  I have about three months at the outset to finish this degree up and put it away with the hoopla it created in the back of my closet.  Honestly, I'm thinking about what is next but first, I need to confront this weight gain that I have assured comes from menopause.  I want to say that it comes from lovin Cheetohs but hey, menopause just sounds better.

Here is what I think I want.  I want to read.  I used to love reading and because of everything, I felt guilty reading.  Now I want to renew my library card and get lost in words.  I'm not going to let my poor vision ruin it for me  I mean, I have cool glasses!  Now is the time to use them.  

I thought the book that I would be writing is my dissertation.  I still want to write.  I have always wanted to write.  I love this blog that has allowed me to think about all of my thoughts and feelings.  I want to write... part time, at least.  Already I thinking of the stories that I will get to write.  Already I'm thinking about the characters I'm going to meet and the places that I will get to go.  It's like I'm already there.  It's exciting. 

I would like to get into yoga.  I know that there are a lot of Christians that are not a fan of the Eastern practice but I would still like to try it and practice it.  I think I would like to become someone that uses yoga to worship God.  Blasphemy you say?  Well, let's see.  I have to try something and yoga calls to me.  It may be the pants.  

Whatever is ahead of me, I have choices there are things in my power and it is all so exciting.  I love it. I am thankful to a God who listens to the deep prayers of our hearts and helps us escape our own way.  May I lean more on my Sovereign God.  

As for my friend, Menopause, I will be sweating and aging as I was meant to be.  Guys, a few years ago I was a heartbroken widow.  Then I was a lonely widow.  Then I made the decision to date and here we are now and I'm married.  Being married to Geoff makes me happy.  It's a blessing that we found each other and we are working on our journey to God together as fellow travelers in this life.  I am thankful for him deciding to become part of our family.  God knew what he was doing when he put us together.  Of course, the joke's on him because now he has to deal with a menopausal wife.  I mean, you reap what you sow, right?  Just kidding, a little bit.  I am thankful to God.  Praise the Lord!

Thinking Ahead

 Now that I am finishing up my "final" degree, I find that I have to rethink my opportunities.  I thought I would be some kind of professor and I would live a small life teaching adults how to do something in a small community college.  This may not be now and there are so many things that I am facing as a result. Of course, at this point in my story, I look up to the heavens and my prayer is, "God, what are you up to?"  I say this with a smirk and I am confidant that the story that God is leading me on is much better than the one that I had set up for myself.  It's just not what I expected.  

I am happy, despite my massive failure.  I am celebrating not being a doctor by graduating (ahead of time) in a few weeks.  There are times that I find a small shame in explaining to people that I have failed and instead of a doctorate, I will be earning a Masters in Leadership.  I have to laugh at it all.  I have never seen myself as a leader in the same way that I didn't think I was a teacher and yet here I am working on about 17 years of teaching.  There is such an honor in graduating though.  God has been so merciful to me!  I am amazed at God's goodness in my life.  

I think that there is a question of what is next.  I have been talking it out with my family.  We are talking about taking vacations.  I'm trying to get into a ministry at the church (now that I have more time).  I am looking at books to read and I'm basking in this hot autumnal season and I am hoping that in the South West, I get a reprieve from the heat and I am able to enjoy a proper sweater weather.  

I just read a book about wishing and I guess that if I am honest, I have always wanted to write.  Look at me now!  I'm writing!  I may not make my living off of it but here I am writing.  God is good to me.  I had wanted to be a singer and every Sunday I am afforded the opportunity to sing.  God is great to me.  I think that I will go for long walks and enjoy sunsets.  I think that I will spend time with my family.  I think that I will try an appreciate the little things in my life each and every day because tomorrow is not promised and here I am staunchly in today.  I know that there are moments that are hard and defeating.  I know that I am not who I was and I may not be who I would like to be but at this moment my heart is full, my cup runs over and God is good to me.  Praise the Lord!