Wednesday, June 30, 2021

The Whirlwind

 I sit here contemplating a list of things to do.  I have to start writing everything down.  The key is to do some of it.  Cross off some of the stuff off of the list so that tomorrow, when I look at the list again, I have less to do.  There are moments when I think I wake up overwhelmed.  You can tell a little bit by the way that I close my eyes and attempt to go back to sleep.  I am keeping things at bay.  I mean, let's not read into anything too deeply.  I am trying to finish school.  I'm streamlining my life to accommodate my sweet husband.  I'm trying to find my purpose... that's all.

Yes, it's a little bit like a whirlwind.  At first, it all gets me nervous.  There is an up and down motion of a whirlwind.  But then I remember this ride that was the Whirlwind.  It was one that went around and around and it also had ups and downs.  The centrifugal force would have me crushing the one on the end.  Or I would be the one that would be crushed.  What was my disposition on this ride?  Amazingly enough, I would be laughing.  It would by hysterical.  Eventually, it would get worse and I would go backwards.  I scream with the thrill of it all.  The ride would end and I would get in line to experience it all again.  

Every now and again, there would be a person that was not ecstatic.  They would be panicked and screaming.  They would complain about the pressure of crushing or being crushed.  It was clear that they were not enjoying the ride.  What do you tell that person?  Would you tell them to sit back and relax, the ride doesn't last long?  It doesn't... I mean, the ride doesn't last long.

So... here is what I am doing.  I am continuing to trust God.  Sometimes it doesn't look good.  There are moments of apprehension.  I look out the window at the beautiful sunny day.  I am thankful to God for my family.  I am thankful to God for my Love.  I am thankful to God.  I drag all of my concerns and worries to God.  I know that He hears me. I feel heard.  The joy of the Lord is my strength.  Nehemiah, the prophet told this to the children of Israel.  They had been disconnected from God.  They got together and heard the Word of the Lord read all day.  They listened.  They were convicted.  They remembered... But God.  Nehemiah tells them:

"Go and enjoy choice food and sweet drinks, and send some to those who have nothing prepared.  This day is holy to our Lord.  Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength."  

It's almost like we have some super power.  "Elle, aren't you worried?"  Elle sitting down eating chicken wings and a flavored seltzer.  Elle says, "No.  God's got this."  I really wish I could be like this.  This is going to be my prayer.  Lord, help me trust you not just in the storm but in the whirlwind.  I pray to laugh and know that You have it all in Your capable hands.  Let me remember that Your joy is my strength.  I'm smiling now.  The day is still beautiful.  I am thankful.  I may even laugh.  Praise the Lord!!


Monday, June 14, 2021

The Newly Married

 It's super early right now as I write.  In a moment, I will wake up my children to get them ready for camp.  My husband?  (It's weird to say it but I like it.)  My husband is at his apartment and he needs to get his brother to airport.  I have started writing down everything that I have to do in order to get it all right.  There is lots to be done.  It has begun the busyness of becoming a missus.

I know there are questions.  How was the wedding?  Are you going away?  Where will we all live?  I'll answer some of these type of questions.  For the most part, I'm in prayer.  I don't have all of the answers.  Things are still in flux.  For those of you who are planners, I know that you are biting your fingers for me.  I am almost tempted to bite my fingers too.  Makes me glad that I put those acrylic nails on.  I probably wouldn't have any nails left.  

The wedding was beautiful.  It was planned in a matter of months at the tail end of this pandemic.  I think we did pretty good.  Geoff would say that there needed to be a little more food.  I will say that there could have been more dancing.  I couldn't dance as much as I really wanted to.  The dress, and the bustle, and the girdle and the layers of fabric had a steam room going underneath my underneath.  I promise you that when I stepped out of the dress, there was steam.  For this reason, I didn't try and dance more than you know I could have.  But at least I got to dance a little with people that love me and whom I love.  

We are going away.  It does not look like we planned.  Sometimes, life doesn't have an itinerary.  I mean, the Israelites didn't really have a list detailing what to do when God gave the okay to leave Egypt.  They painted their doors with blood and waited.  I feel like I'm a lot like those Israelites.  They walked on dry land in the middle of the sea and got to the other side unscathed.  As soon as they were over, the water came down on the Egyptians pursuing them.  God delivered them out of Egypt, just like they prayed for.  Not too long later, they are complaining that they should have stayed slaves.  They didn't get the itinerary and felt that they needed one.  They needed assurances.  Faith is not about assurances, is it?  Either you are going to trust or not going to trust.  

What's going to happen next?  Where will you live?  What's going to happen with this and that?  I didn't get an itinerary and I'm trying not to make a run back to Egypt, whatever that looks like in my life.  I want to be one of the ones who trusts in God.  So I'm in prayer.  I'm attempting to read Paul Tripp and I'm doing the best I can with what I have.  It's definitely not enough (she writes while smiling).  I am okay with this.  I know that God meets me where I am.  

Some of you might not have gotten the itinerary.  It's okay.  Pray and try to trust that God has the wheel.  It's hard work this trusting business.  What if something goes wrong?  Like what?  Like the bottom falls out and you lose something and go through unsurmountable pain?  Talking from experience.  God stays with you in the fire.  God will not leave you and He brings His peace with Him.  It's almost like... crossing a sea, in the middle with enemies at my heels and making it through the other side.  Now excuse me while I follow Jesus (my cloud by day and my pillar of fire by night).  In the meantime, loud enough to be heard, PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Friday, June 11, 2021

The Night Before the Wedding

 It's been a crazy month so far.  Honestly, it's been a crazy season.  There are still things that need to be done before tomorrow but I'm sitting here praying thankful prayers tonight.  I'm clueless.  I don't really know how to go about things.  My friends have been understanding.  I mean... I planned this thing during a pandemic in a couple of months.  I'm amazed at the love and the support that I have felt this year.  I didn't know this was coming.  I couldn't predict this.  I can only thank God.  I pray that I can lose the mess that I currently am to allow Him to work.  I would like Him to work on and through my life.  That's why I write these blogs.  I think it's okay to be a mess.  I think it's okay to not have all of the answers.  I think it's okay to be older.  It's okay to be not so pretty and not so personable.  I think it's okay to be not so thin or wonderful.  It's okay because God takes my minimal oks and He adds to my account.  

I recently said that I could afford to be kind.  It's true.  I can.  Because He forgave me and died on my behalf so that I don't have to worry about the burden of sin.  I'm learning that I can AFFORD to forgive too.  This forgiveness thing,  I don't know how it works but it is a healing thing not to put out more hate and anger out into the world.  

I love my fiance.  I am happy to love him and I pray that I can love him well.  I can go to God, who is love to find my source of more love.  More love to pour into my marriage.  More love too pour into my children... Just more love.  Not even my pale, poor love but God's love, the real kind of love, the good stuff.  

I know I write about God a lot.  I love Him.  I owe Him everything.  God allowed me a whole relationship.  And then, my sweet husband went home.  There was pain but I was not alone.  I was never alone.  I was being looked after and loved.  Even then, I was blessed beyond all measure.  I was a widow.  I was that sad word.  

Did I find Geoff or did he find me?  I don't know.  He smiles at me and the world becomes a beautiful color of wonderful.  He belongs to us and we belong to him.  I think that God had something to do with it.  

The day before my wedding, I'm sitting here thankful.  I posted the live stream link.  I think it will be okay.  I'm excited.  Be in prayer for us.  Sing all of the wedding songs tonight and be happy for me, please.  I was lost but now I'm found.  I was blind but now I see.  Praise the Lord!