Saturday, June 29, 2019

He Will Hold Me Fast

As I look back on my life, I see it as a journey.  I am walking around in different settings. I feel that my year has not been a walk in the desert.  Instead I have been in a wilderness at night.  I should have been scared but I felt...peace.  I can hear the owl hooting.  I can hear the crunches of animals scurrying and surviving.  It feels like I have been waiting.  Maybe I have been wandering, trying to find my way out of this dark forest. 

Yesterday, I recognized a signpost.  It may have said, "Exit this way."  Part of me wants to pretend I didn't see it.  I want to continue wandering in the forest where it is dark but peaceful.  It is almost like playing solitaire and getting to that point where you know you are going to win.  It's like playing Candy Crush and understanding that you are going to pass the level.  For me, knowing I am going to win gives me mixed feelings.  I was enjoying the challenge.  This just shows you the extent of my craziness.  There are some of you understanding this conundrum.  After all, life is about the journey, isn't it?  

I can see that it still will be a hard time finding my way out but as I look ahead, I can see that there are markers.  There is a path.  Let's be clear, there was always a path.  I don't know what it will look like once I get out of here.  I don't know who I will be.  However, I never really needed to know.  Am I scared?  No, I am not scared.  I'm scared of some things but not of this.  I know that God is with me.  He will never leave me nor forsake me.  I think of Joshua and the times that God reassured Joshua.  I can hear the words of Joshua 1:9, "Have I not commanded you?  Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  You see, He was with me in the wilderness.  He was with me in the desert.  He is with me as I drag my feet toward the signpost.  

There is this song.  It is "He Will Hold Me Fast."  Some of you have heard of it and some have not.  I hear it now.  It is a song on my heart reminding me when I want to forget.  It almost sounds like I am ungrateful.  I am not.  I am very grateful.  God has been good to us.  I look at my children.  They are not scared or worried.  It's almost as if they hear the song too.  They know who we follow.  "Come on, Mom!"  Such Sweethearts, rooting for me.  I pray that when they reach their own wilderness, they remember who to follow.  This will first and foremost be my utmost desire: that they allow God to always hold them fast.  

I look back on what I have been through.  I know it's time.  My children are up ahead.  I understand when Mary keeps things in her heart.  I'm keeping it in my heart.  Let's see what the next signpost looks like.  Until then, allow Christ to hold you fast too.

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