Not a Doctor

These days, every now and again, I remember the work that I put into a dissertation that will not be written and it saddens me.  I think this is the correct emotion.  But then I think about how I am almost done with this journey and I feel relief and joy.  The positives outweigh the negatives and I am wondering about the path that God has for me.  I should be defeated and depressed but instead there are just good things.  

I was driving home the other day and I was listening to a podcast on the Bible that I found on Spotify.  I think that it had to do with an overview of the Bible books in 30 minutes and I felt lead to listen to this podcast.  On the podcast, the man speaking talked of attempting to get his doctorate and at the time he was leading a church.  At some point, he understood that he would have to choose between the doctorate and the leadership position and he chose the church. I felt... akin to this man.  I understood this choice well and it resounded with me.  I mean, it wasn't exactly a choice.  I didn't have enough time to finish.

So... What will my title be now that I'm not going to be Dr.  I think out of everything, this is the part that upsets me.  I'm just some older lady walking around with three degrees and not one of them is a doctorate.  I guess it's not so bad.  I'm working on my last two classes and then I get to find out what else I can do.  It feels like my future is stretched out before me and I am right where I am supposed to be.  Isn't this a blessing?  Praise the Lord!

Changing Focus: A Confession

 It's Thursday evening and I find myself surprised.  I am working on reading a chapter on management.  I find as I am reading that this is thrilling. You may not know this but I am basking in a second chance.  I failed.  I failed brilliantly and here I am with the opportunity to do something else.  I am thankful to God for bestowing on me honor that I truly don't deserve and yet, here I am.  This is the grace of God.  

I had been working for years on trying to get my EdD.  I was hoping to get my educational doctorate in organizational leadership.  I was under the idea that I would like in Higher Education in some way or shape.  So I worked.  I went through all the phases.  I went up to submitting my proposal for AQR review when the review board let me know that I would not be able to complete my study in time for my April 2023 deadline.  I had worked tirelessly and it was so stressful.  In all transparency, I confess to you now that my drive for  the doctorate dried up when my late husband died.  What was I working so hard for?  I continued for the sake of my children but in the time that I attempted the last of it I had: dated for a year, I was a single mother, got married, changed jobs, changed homes, changed cars and in all of that changing, I changed focus.  

The university let me know that I had done enough work to be conferred a Masters of Science degree in Organizational Leadership.  I happily agreed to complete my last two classes.  I am currently taking a Leadership class that has a focus on various industries and I'm happy to read several chapters a week, write papers and contribute to online discussion boards.  

I sit here taking a moment from my reading and note taking as I look around to the busy and messy dining room table I am working on.  I look around my house and I need to clean, or my children need to clean but for the most part my house looks like a home.  My children are under my roof, driving me crazy, a sure sign of love and happiness and I praise God for His faithfulness in my life.  I don't know how to live in this world without Jesus. 

And friend, I am so looking forward to the next adventure.  Buckle in your seatbelts.  I'm sure it will be an epic adventure.  Praise the Lord!