So... ask me if I'm having fun dating yet. Go ahead and ask me. No, I'm not having as much fun as I thought I would. I guess this is where I miss NYC, where I think people are more prone to have a conversation. Well, I miss the NYC I grew up in. Now that I'm thinking about it, I think that the real and true issue is that I miss being 22 years old. Man, it was easier then!
Now, there is another issue. In my head, I don't really think like a 47 year old. I feel and act younger. I think it is from hanging out with young kids all day and then raising young kids. This momma is definitely immature. You know who is not immature? 47-50 year old men!!! I think I may be a cougar. Do you know what a cougar is? It is an older woman prowling around for younger men. I don't want to be a cougar! I just want to live my life and be happy!!! Can Christian women even be cougars? I mean, was Tamar a cougar? I will tell you that I am understanding Tamar better.
Here she is, she was promised Judah's youngest son and she's waiting, and waiting. What happened I think is that they forgot about her. Judah forgot about her. Everyone forgot about this widow who never got her chance to have children. So when Judah goes looking for a good time, he finds... Tamar. She gets his stuff and then acts like a prostitute. When she comes out pregnant, the townspeople go and find Judah to tell him that his daughter-in-law has been acting like a ho'. Then they bring out his stuff and tell him, "Ms. Thing says that these things belong to the baby's daddy." When Judah sees the stuff he's like, "Wait a minute, this is my stuff. Am I the Baby Daddy?" Yes, Judah! Ding Ding Ding! You are the Baby Daddy, and you didn't even need Maury. How do I know this? It's in Genesis but it is also in Matthew 1. The child that they end up having is in the lineage of Christ. I kid you not. Now that I think of it, she wasn't a cougar was she. She ended up being a kitten.
Okay, am I shallow because the guys that are single and are my age look a little older? Yes. Pray for me and pray for my judgmental and picky heart. I'm sure that there are good guys underneath all of those wrinkles, a lot of wisdom. I need wisdom. I do. I was hoping not to have to iron out wrinkles in order to find them but I need wisdom!!! Maybe I'm just not cute enough. I think I translate better in person than on line. I may need a dating guru.
Well, here is my conclusion. Guys suck. Dating sucks. The guys that like you, you don't like them. In fact, you start thinking that there is something very very wrong with you if these are the guys that you attract. And the guys that you find even remotely attractive don't like you. Then there are the guys in the middle. You know. They are the guys that you read through the profile more than once because you don't know. I think those are the guys that are on your level. You swipe the yes side but they don't contact you. They don't ask you out for coffee. Is it hard to ask someone out for coffee? Is it hard to ask me out for coffee? Maybe I am hard to ask out for coffee.
I think about Luke 9:23:
Then He said to them all, "If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me." I think that this is the recipe for any resolution. I have to tell myself this, "Elle, did you deny yourself? Did you take up your cross today? Are you following Christ?" No, I am not following Christ. I'm thinking of myself. I didn't take up my cross today. I was mean in saying that guys suck simply because they are not attracted to me. Isn't that awful? Just like I want to be appreciated for what I bring to the table, I need to appreciate others for what they bring to the table. Maybe I can do what I was created to do in this, I can reflect the glory of God. Maybe I can speak hope to someone who has nothing but broken promises and baggage. Maybe I can actually follow Christ.
Okay, so Santi was 9 days younger than me so I have always been a cougar.
Good read. However, in my humble opinion, I think you are focusing to much on the dating process. Let things happen organically. Focus on you doctorate and your kids. Everything else will come in time.ReplyDelete