Wednesday, May 11, 2022


 On May 4th, I went to work and when I went to pick up some of my students from the bus, I heard that there was a kitty on the bus.  Curiosity piqued, I went to find out what had happened.  There was a little guy, dirty and meowing.  The kitten was so small and he was overwhelmed.  I didn't want the kitten.  I thought about what my husband would say.  Later I would come to find out that as soon as I sent him the picture of the kitten, he thought that it was ours.  It was later that he learned of my efforts to find the kitten a home that wasn't ours.  

Luke is lame.  He has a little paw that he doesn't walk on correctly.  It took him longer to learn how to walk. The vet that we took him to the next day stated that the little guy was 3 and a half weeks old.  He reported that dear Luke was in general good health.  He was tired.  That first day he spent massive amounts of time just sleeping.  When I talk to Geoff about his little leg, we know that at the end of the day Luke's leg is a non-issue because he is safe with us.  

You should know that the next day I asked the bus drivers where they had found him.  It was about a block away from the school and they informed me that his sibling was not so lucky.  They found the ran-over corpse on the side of the road the next day.  I look at lucky Luke.  Just knowing that makes me want to hold him a little closer.  I would have tried to save them all but instead, I saved one.

I don't know if we in our power have the ability to save people the same way we can rescue a kitten.  I think of the babies that I have served as a teacher.  I have always worked in schools of need.  I have not worked in affluent schools.  I wouldn't know what to do.  I have had affluent students but for the most part I have worked in schools that work with underfunded populations.  When asked what it was that I thought I did in these school, I would tell you that I shed a little light in a dark place.  I give off some very serious Mom vibes.  I have been told that I "mom" people.  What a compliment!!  This is such a high honor for me.  God in His mercy is so giving that He lets us help with His mission like children "helping" Mom mix up cake batter.  Later the child says proudly, "I made it.  Mom helped."  I'm laughing.  We all know who did all of the real work.  

Speaking of which, Mother's Day and my birthday has just passed.  My children, my biological children celebrated me.  I look at them.  I know that there are things that I need to teach them.  I am hoping they will continue to come to me.  I think they know that I would do anything I can for them.  I will parent them the best way that I can.  I know that there are some days that this is not enough.  I know for a fact that there are days and moments that I will never be enough.  I'm okay with that.  I am hoping that I have done enough pointing to where they can go if they need a good and perfect parent... God.  Honestly, I'm blessed to be along for the ride.  I will write more about my birthday later.  

I put Luke to bed under protest.  I need to make sure that he is safe during the night so he is living out of our walk in closet.  I rearranged it just for him.  In a way, I'm his mom.  I know that I will take care of him the way that I have taken care of others.  I took a post today in another school under a contract company.  I already know the kind of school that it is.  It is the same kind of environment that I have worked in.  I have only signed on for a year.  Already I wonder what kind of babies will I meet.  What kind of needs they have.  I wonder if I can be a little light for them.  I pray.  You can be in prayer with me.  Teaching is hard and tiring.  Pray for good teachers.  In the meantime, instead of complaining... Well... instead of complaining right now, I will be thankful and I will praise my good God who watches over me and allows me to "help."  Praise the Lord! 

Monday, May 2, 2022

Thoughts on Not Being Able

 This post isn't bad and I am not depressed.  As I look to myself, I have to understnd that I'm okay even when I'm not totally okay.  That being said... Here is my post:

It's been a rough spring.  There has been some sickness and allergies.  There has been exhaustion and too much on the plate.  There has been a lot of worry.  There has been changes of plans.  There has been some remembering.  Suffice it all to say that if this season is to serve to remind me to be humble; I am humbled.  If this season is to remind me that I am not enough, then I will say that I am not enough.  If this season serves to bring me down, then I am in a valley.  Praise God!  Why?  Because, I'm looking up at where my help is going to come from, it comes from God (Psalm 121).  
This year will bring me into my bicentennial year.  It was thought by doctors that I would not make it past my first year.  I lived.  God saw fit to show that where we humans can't, He is more than able.  I don't know if I had shared this but as I have heard the story, my mother contracted Lupus at 19.  She was recommended not to have children.  My mother, being my mother, decided not to rely on the recommendation of the doctors but on God.  There were siblings.  I wonder if I will see them when I go home.  Ultimately though, I am the one that survived.  
In harder seasons, I remember this story to remind me that God has me down here for a reason.  I'm but an aging, tired teacher.  I look in the mirror and I see myself become smaller and more insignificant.  Praise God!  Why?  Because I don't look to my wrinkles for my validation but on my Savior that saw fit to die so that I might live.  
There is so much that I cannot do.  I am definitely not enough.  I am a hot mess in need of a Savior.  I am not able to do things sometimes and I become overwhelmed.  I forget sometimes that I am the daughter of a King.  I forget that I don't have to do it on my own.  I forget that God is in control.  
Maybe you have forgotten who you are.  Maybe you are not enough.  Maybe you are a hot mess, just like me, in need of a Savior.  Let me recommend to you, prayer.  And don't make it a pretty prayer.  If you are going to God, bring Him your realness.  Be authentic with Him and talk to Him like you would the closest person in the world to You.  Trade in your worries and your ineptitude for His peace and light.  Trade in the hate and the vile for His love and mercy.  
You may see me on the street and there is every chance that you see what I am in my flesh, a nobody.  A small little no one walking around in Wal-Mart or The Dollar Tree.  There I am, just a little too colorful and loud, just a little too chunky and old.  I'm laughing.  I am a survivor.  I am one of those who has her scars on the inside.  Don't doubt that they are there!  I am one of the ones who fought to stand up in the storm, not of my own strength, and not of my own will.  But God...  That is why when I feel I can't then I look to God and wait on Him.  Trust Him.  He can when we can't.  Praise the Lord!!!