As a girl I loved stories. I loved stories of all kinds. My father would buy me books to add to my small bookcase. My father, with his heavy accent would read to me from these Disney picture books. I would make him read to me until he was almost asleep with me on the bed. It was the most comforting thing. Later when I was older and in the 3rd grade, I struggled with reading. I liked reading picture books cause I had trouble with the words. It was the only time I really struggled with reading. I remember learning how to read and then I couldn't stop. I would read anything I could get my hands on. Reading allowed me to escape.
My first favorite series was the Laura Ingalls Wilder series. It put things into perspective. Here I was upset about my life and they were facing things like starvation and frostbite. I couldn't get enough of books. I wasn't one to subscribe to fairy tales. That is unless, we talked about Hans Christian Anderson and Grimm Fairy Tales. I know what happened to the real Little Mermaid. I would cry every time I would read The Little Match Girl. I liked my stories with an edge, just like me. I liked my stories with realism.
So, I am confused with myself. I have been asked, "How do I lie to myself?" Well, you should know my first response is that I don't lie to myself but the real truth of the matter is that I most certainly do. I lie about a lot of things. I tell myself stories and sometimes, there is this want of selling myself a fairy tale. I imagine a handsome wonderful guy coming from out of the blue to love me the way that I want to be loved. In my fairy tale, he has a wonderful job that allows him to travel... with me. Is this really what I want? That's the question. I want to be happy and feel peace. I want to laugh and not worry about what anybody else thinks. I love and cherish this idea that I don't have to date. I don't have to get married. What a blessing!!! This isn't the dark ages where a woman who had no man to speak for her was doomed to a hard unrepresented life. I'm appreciating my singleness. I love spending time with my children who are growing so big so fast. Right now, I think I like having options. I can choose. May God be with all of my choices.