Thursday, July 18, 2019


When I walk I promise you there is some sort of theme music in my head
(Lately it has been Truth Hurts by Lizzo.).  I like to strut because it's a much better way to get around than walking.  I like to breathe in and remember that my Father is the Creator of the Universe and I harness whatever energy I can muster in that breath before I enter a room.  I remember that I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  I must always keep my ego in check because I definitely know what I'm worth... even older... even chunky... flaws and all.

So, a dear friend confirmed something that I had in my head.  I am intimidating.  When she said it, I was in my head like, "I knew it!!!"  So I'm intimidating.  I'm shrugging my shoulders.  There are some of you that are like, "I know you, Elle.  You are sweet and loving.  Intimidating?  I don't think so."  Ah.  I turn it on and off like a light switch.  A class of teenagers?  On.  Church Sunday morning?  Off.  Walking down the street?  On.  Walking anywhere really? On!!!  So, being intimidating sometimes doesn't make me approachable?  What if there is a guy that is too intimidated to talk to me?  Should I be more approachable?  NO!!!  If he doesn't have the guts to be a man and talk to me then he can stay where he is and I am much better off without him.  Does it look like I need an insecure man?  Wait.  Let me rephrase that.  Does it look like I NEED a man?  The only man I need is Jesus.

Now, I wouldn't call myself intimidating.  I would call myself secure.  I am beginning to understand that there are men out there that are insecure.  I am realizing that men are more insecure than I previously understood.  My husband wasn't very insecure so I'm surprised that there are more insecure men than less insecure.  I understand that I am in need of someone confidant and secure as well.  I hug everyone I come across.  I flirt even as I am just saying hello.  I can't be with anyone insecure. 

I'm trying to be sensitive but you know I'm not about to change any time soon.  I should dial down because you can't man up?  No, Elle!  This is not a Christian attitude.  So, I'm putting this sensitivity on my THINGS TO WORK ON list.  It's there.  It's the last thing on the list after getting to heaven but it's there.  So, here I am.  I'm good with my bad self.  I'm good  with just being me.  Writing this blog helps.  I don't know... I think you should try being a little intimidating too...

No comments:

Post a Comment