Sunday, July 28, 2019

Last Man Standing

I'm on this dating app and I started chatting with this nice guy, not really my type, but nice.  We chatted about flour and floors.  We talked of nothingness.  He asked me what I did in my spare time.  I was thinking, "Spare time?  What's that?"  I told him that I liked to read but that I was in school.  He politely asked me what I was in school for.  When I told him that I was going for a graduate degree, HE GHOSTED ME!!!!! I wish I could tell you it was the first time too.   This other guy asked me what I was studying and after I told him he said, "Good luck with that."  Then he ghosted me.  What did I do?  I laughed.  I couldn't stop laughing.  I mean, what else is there to do?

I think I am in the middle of playing a game.  I call it Last Man Standing.  I meet guys.  They leave.  The guy who stays is the guy that I'm going to end up with.  When they leave, I just tell myself that he wasn't the one.  It isn't hurtful.  I know that I want everything.  If I never find it again, I'm okay knowing that I had it.  

I have some concerns though.  I hate to think of this but I think that my children would like to see me with someone.  They talk about me not being by myself when they leave the nest.  I hate the idea of borrowing fathers.  You know what I mean, have a friend or the husband of a friend step in to do what only a father could do.  It's sad writing about this right now.  I think that there is such a thing.  Then there is my son feeling the burden of being the man of the house.  I'm trying to raise a man, a husband and a father.  I want my son to be like the David in the Bible, a man after God's own heart (I Samuel 13:14).

Here is the deal.  I already know the man who will be there last.  He is the one who will tickle me on a dock until I laugh so hard I can barely catch my breath.  He is the one who I fell in love with at first sight.  When I saw him, I thought, "This is real love."  He is the one whose opinion I consider.  He's the one.  And he will be with me till death parts us.  This I know is true.  The last man standing?  My son. 

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