Monday, July 15, 2019

A Note on Bad Boys

Growing up as a teenager in the Bronx.  My favorite type of boys were Preppy Boys.  I don't know what it was about them.  I liked the fact that they wore jackets like my dad and I had it in my head that if my dad wore a jacket then guys who wore them weren't all bad.  I didn't attract Preppy Boys.  I think I dated one or two of them.  If I'm being honest, I didn't like nice guys.  I ate them up for lunch and saved the rest for dinner.  Ah... my misspent youth!!!  I didn't attract the elusive preppy guys so I went out for the guys I thought I could attract, the Nerds and the Bad Boys.

First the Nerd, I love a smart guy, even now.  Funny smart is my favorite.  Not overly intelligent, just intelligent with stuff to talk about.  I remember that there was this beautiful boy that I met in college and he was so dreamy but he wasn't very smart. I know that I'm not being kind.  I'm sorry. I'm just trying to be honest here.  This is why I'm not mentioning his name. I think I would tell him, "You're so pretty."  He didn't know why I would tell him that.  I wanted a nerd, but, I couldn't really get a Nerd to go out with me.  There was this guy that I kind of liked and I pursued him but he would have nothing to do with me.  Man, the struggle was real.  Nerds scare easy. 

I think that the thing that I need to acknowledge to myself here and now is this: the last time I was single, maybe... just maybe... I was a little bit of a heart breaker.  Okay, I put that out there.  I talk about why guys didn't like me.  I talk about how I don't think that guys like smart women.  I talk about how guys don't like confident women.  I may even talk about how guys don't like chunky women.  I may be unfair to these guys.  Guys don't like heartbreakers and back then.  I was indecisive and pretty.  I was a heartbreaker. So let's face it. A Nerdy guy knew better than to get involved with the likes of me.  Now... if I'm really honest with myself (this is something that I am working on people, pray for me), I'm still a heart breaker or there are parts of me inside of who I am that have heart breaker tendencies.

No, the only guys that would rise to the challenge of dating me were the bad boys.  In fact, you should know that my dear sweet man was a reformed bad boy.  Those are my favorite types!!!  Bad boys are those that laugh at the status quo.  They can be defensive and aggressive.  They can be angry sometimes.  Bad boys are irreverent and can be honest sometimes.  They like to tell it like they see it. They can be confident.  I think Bad Boys just may be my kryptonite.  We all have the visions in our heads of the Bad Boys.  Now, I have in my forays with dating, come across some beautiful men.  I "accidentally" swipe right instead of left.  In my head, I tell myself that they won't say hi to me, a chunky, older woman. Maybe they are a beautiful good guy.  They're not.  The beautiful ones, much like the Prince song will get you every time.  I'm lying to myself.  You should know that I'M STILL ATTRACTING THE SAME TYPE OF GUY!!!  I may have to take the purple out of my hair and take out my piercings and change the way that I dress but the guys that talk to me?  Yes, Bad Boys.  I don't know if they get confused by the 'Jesus Lover' that I put on my profile.  I found out later that all the women claim to be Christian.

These days, I'm living a Bad Boy free lifestyle.  I don't really want to change.  I like my semi-alt midlife look.  What I like about being older and dating now is that the rules have changed.  You could be the former bad boy and still love Jesus with all of your heart.  Dating the Preppy guy is no guarantee that you would live the life you wanted.  That's the thing.  I married my reformed bad boy and had the time of my life.  I'm wondering if lightening strikes twice or if I need to be picky.  Why do I have Puff Daddy songs on the brain?  In any case, God is in control and there is a good plan for me.  In the meantime, I'm staying away from my kryptonite.

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