Monday, June 15, 2020

The Problem with Wanting

I took my social media accounts out of my, "Taking a Break" folder.  I am back, but not really.  I logged on and a friend of mine had posted how she was tired of some of the posts on social media.  I miss the funny stuff.  I'm realizing that all of the images and posts direct me to feel something, no matter how small.  I'm not too sure I should be feeling anything these days.  However, I find that in looking at social media, one way or another, through posts, pics or ads, I am wanting.  

Here in Arizona, where COVID 19 is hitting record highs, the quarantine has been lifted and the curfew has been removed; we are certainly not back to normal.  We tend to not eat in restaurants where there is no dine in service.  I am finding that we would prefer to eat at Denny's than go to a fancier place for food just because we can eat it there.  My son has developed a newfound love for Denny's. LOL!!  I think it's funny.  Now when we pass Denny's he's like, "Denny's!!!  Yum!!"  And still there is longing and wanting, it is for a time or an experience but it is still wanting.  

You don't realize things until you realize things.  I didn't know how much I would miss going to the movies and having frozen yogurt after with my kids.  I took them to their favorite restaurant for their promotion dinner and it was closed.  It may never open again.  I went to get my tires rotated and I had to drive my car into the bay myself.  I need to get my car detailed but people don't even want to touch your reusable shopping bags, imagine the inside of a grimy car.  And I don't blame them.  I would love nothing more than to be selfish about things.  I would love to kick my heels against the ground and have a tantrum about the state of things.  Isn't this all have to do with wanting?  Getting our way?  Getting my way?  

I think the problem that I have with all of this wanting is an ego problem.  I want things to get back to normal.  I want to be done with my degree.  I want to move.  I want to do what I want and not worry about the situation of the world.  What I want and what I am likely to have are two different things.  Psalm 23 begins, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want."  And yet, here I am wanting.  Is this why I got off of social media?  Maybe.  

I was chatting with a friend and I was telling her how lovely it is to not make plans on a recent staycation.  I don't have to listen to anyone or argue with anyone on what I should or shouldn't be doing.  I think I am adapting to singleness. This is me being content with what I have.  I have added another color to my hair and I don't have to ask anyone if they like it and worry that they don't.  It forces you to be more independent, this singleness.  I thought I wanted to be married again.  Maybe I don't want to be married.  I meet friends for lunch or coffee.  It doesn't matter who they are.   I don't have to worry what anyone thinks about it.  I am learning to appreciate the present for what it is.  I tend to think and worry about the future.  When I want it is usually for another day.  Unless it is pizza, I want pizza right now!!!  Proverbs 27:1, James 4:13-15, Matthew 6:33-34, they all talk about not worrying about tomorrow.  All of this worry and want is wrapped together.  I need to take it and throw it away.  

Today I will be thankful or I will try to be thankful.  I will consider today.  I will consider the good parts.  I will be thankful I am not in pain today.  I will be happy that I have my faculties today.  I will be grateful or try to be truly grateful with what is in front of me.  Such a challenge!!!  I suggest you try it.  Let me know how it goes.  Until next time, praise the Lord!!!

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