Thursday, June 11, 2020

He Will Hold Me Fast

Yesterday I looked at all of the open tabs on my computer.  That was only the first page of open tabs.  I had yet another one open underneath with more open tabs.  On the bottom of the monitor are all of the Word documents opened.  "Chapter 2."  I told myself.  Just do Chapter 2.  What I had in front of me amounted to a massive, twisted ball of Christmas lights that I had to unravel.  There was no rhyme or reason to it.  "I will fail."  I said to myself.  It was a whisper.  I'm wondering now if it was a prayer.  

I don't know where the thought came from.  It bobbed to the surface of my consciousness like the answers in a Magic 8 ball: He will hold me fast.  "Will He?"  It was a song that we have sung in church.  I put it on almost automatically.  I didn't think about it.  I had my mind filled with worry and swirling thoughts of failure and shame.  I didn't expect truth to hit me and dissipate the chaos with the chords of a song.  I held on to the phrase like it was a flotation device and I was lost at sea.  My focus went from what I was facing in that second, the confusion and the fear and in a moment I was brought to the feet of my Savior.  God will hold me fast!!!  It was an epiphany.  

Right after that I got a call from my advisor.  She walked me through my To Do Lists.  I wrote notes.  We created a plan and put it in place.  After that, Natalie, my dear sister in parenting and in Christ thought of me and offered to make sure my children would be able to go to Bible Study.  I'm sitting here just amazed at how things work together with God's help.  He held me fast.  Doesn't He always?  He held me fast in the little crazy moments that I somehow get myself into.  Undeservedly, He is holding me fast and there is every possibility that I come out of these days better than when I started.  

Today is proof of this, I have been invited to an oasis and there is the opportunity for rest from all the stress that I have been facing.  Not only that, I have parental guilt and worry and I see how the Lord provides for my children and me.  I don't deserve this but He does it anyway.  I feel that I am not fed the meager scraps off of the table but I am placed at the table and served the portion of a Princess.  I am humbled at Hi greatness. Praise the Lord!!! 

No comments:

Post a Comment