Wednesday, June 10, 2020

Final Project

I wish I could tell you that I miss social media.  I don't.  If someone messages me via one of the social media apps, I tend to answer, but  I'm not missing it as much as I thought I would.  I am working on things that need to be worked on and I am behind.  My world is on a pause as I figure out how to get everything done.  But the world doesn't seem to want to wait.  I have children that I have to attend to.  It feels like selfishness, this work that I m doing.  I am stressed out.  I tell myself, "Just go slowly."  I know that I can do it.  I just don't know how well it will look this final project that I am working on for school.  Everything is hinged on it right now.  Keep me in prayer.

My son decided that he wanted to go through some of the boxes in the garage.  He's neat like that.  I was in the living room to hang out and share time as I worked on things.  He went through each thing.  "Remember this, Janet."  He would then put it in the box to give to Good Will.  "Remember this."  Again, he would give it away.  Who could concentrate as my son gave away parts of his childhood?  He got up and was ready to go through another box.  I told him, "No more."  I couldn't do it.  He said that he would do it on a day that I wasn't around and I felt like I was missing something.  There is a decision to make.  Do I want to be sentimental or do I want to be free of clutter?  I want to be free of the clutter and I am glad that my son is only mildly sentimental but it is hard to make these emotional decisions when you are already under a lot of stress.  Pray for me, Friends.

These are the panicky moments.  That second when you realize that you are being pulled under the undertow.  The water hits your nose and you are kind of lost, being swirled in the water.  In that moment you are fearful, and you tend to forget God.  Or that moment when your tire skids on the ice.  Or that moment when the argument starts getting louder than you expected.  That moment when the doctor's face tells you before you needed to hear it, it is clear that you have forgotten.  I have forgotten too.  But God...

I don't know if I will be able to hand everything in the deadline that I have.  This is the fear.  And all my work these years will not result in the degree that I wanted.  Is this a legitimate fear?  Yes.  It would be my fault if I could not do this.  It is not a circumstantial thing.  Yes, it can be explained.  I have been working and providing for my family  I have children and my husband died and had been given grace.  Now, I need to be done and I'm scared, TERRIFIED, that I will not have it done.  There is shame and debt awaiting me if I can't.  Friends, please be in prayer as I finish up Part 1 of the final project.  This is the hard part.  This is the time to fight.  This is all.  Stand by for updates.  Praise the Lord!!!


No comments:

Post a Comment