These last few mornings I have not woken up well. I am stressed because I have a "paper" due at the end of the week. It's sort of kind of a big deal. I am letting my fear of failing get in the way. I am letting all the horrible sensations that I tend to put in a closet out because I am not "feeling" strong. Instead of being able to fight and get things done, I am considering my feelings. Feelings are a luxury and will end up ruining things instead of making things right.
There were times in my marriage where I didn't "feel" the love. There were times that I felt aggravated and lonely. There were times that I fought with my husband and I felt anger. But I didn't let my emotions make decisions for me. So even when things were not so great sometimes, I stayed and fought because my commitment and promise, my love for God should and is greater than how I feel about things.
I can feel lonely but the truth is that God is with me and He walks with me so this is not true. I can feel like a loser but in Romans 8 God tells me that I am more than a conqueror. I can feel like nothing good will ever happen in my life and this may be true but God is with me and He says to trust Him because He has a plan to prosper. I'm breathing in an out not because how I feel but because my purpose on this earth is not done yet. If I asked myself how I felt about doing squats then I would never do them because I don't want to do them. A lot of times, we don't have to do what we feel. We have to do what we must which can usually be things we DEFINITELY don't feel like doing.
We feel regardless. We have emotions. We emote. Some of you will tell me that I am giving people bad advice to not consider their emotions. No, you should consider your emotions but since these feelings are fickle, I offer you to remember the truth first and then try and make your feelings match that truth. I know that there are some conditions that can not be controlled. I know the difficulty it is for what I am suggesting. If you can... try and find a way to battle them. Battle is the right word. Sometimes I think I'm so tired because I have spent time fighting what I don't want to feel. Prayer works. Reading the Bible. Talking to friends. Remembering truths. I remember that this is but one little life that I have and I can't spend it laying on my bed crying over things in my past. I have children to raise and to model for. I have work that needs to be done. I am like you. I am not stronger. I struggle. But I use my faith to cling to God and I know that when I am weak, He is strong (II Corinthians 12:9-11).
So, today I will remember that God is with me. I will remember that people that I love are praying for me to focus and not allow myself to be distracted (I think satan likes the idea of failing and would love that so is sending me every distraction in the book). Today I will be in prayer and I will talk to my deceptive heart (Jeremiah 17:9). I will tell it to be still and know that God is there and He is in control (Psalm 46:10). And when I feel despair creeping in or worry or anxiety, I will call out to my Great God to rescue me so that I can get the job of today done. Praise the Lord!!!