After I had given birth to my son, they let me out.. They gave me my child and they let me walk through the front door of the hospital. I was more concerned with keeping him alive than having the existential musings of having actual little humans in my care. I would stare at him and watch for the rising and falling of his little baby chest. He actually fit in the newborn clothes I had bought for him. He had this microfiber green track suit that was so impossibly small. The dolls that I had as a kid were bigger. My daughter was different in that they released me prior to releasing her. I remember dressing her for the cold New York City winter in a little snowsuit. Even then I wondered if they had speculations on the health of each child they released out into the world with their parents. I cried as I drove home with her. I was the mother of children. I had children- plural.
All of these lost thoughts happened over 12 years ago. I think about the different phases my children have gone through. They are at the beginning of their adolescence now. Is this the last leg? Let me tell you, it goes by supper fast. I was arguing with my son. I thought about his little attitude. Is he like this with everyone? What does he need to learn yet? Whatever I don't teach my children, the world with teach them without love. It is my way or the hard way. Sometimes you need the hard way, kids don't trust that you are telling them the truth. They think there is a hyperbole present. Or they tend to think that you are so old that you, me, we are out of touch the lessons of the world. We aren't.
I told him that I had at least 4 more years to teach him. With Janet, I have 6 more years. At this point, I'm correcting and explaining. I pray that they love Jesus. I pray that they follow the Way. I pray that they learn from God's Word. It's all in the Good Book, you have no idea. I am not blind to the evil in this world. Again... I don't have all of the answers. I will not be with them all of the time. I can only pray and hope in the wonderful plan that God has for us. Believe, Friends. I know it doesn't look good but believe and trust in God. Praise the Lord!