I'm in a strange season of my life. Some would say that I am in a difficult time of my life and I think I would agree... some days. We all want something. There is every possibility that you are living the life that I want. Maybe if I talk about the life that I want, I can analyze what I want and how I can get there.
In terms of occupation, I find that I would like to travel for work. Where did I get this idea? Well, on the dating apps that I subscribe to, most of the men are travelers. Funny enough, I don't feel the need to travel with someone but I think I would travel. I feel the need to see blue waters and soft sands. You should also know that I love to fly. I have a thing for airports. They seem safe, clean and contained. It is the ultimate people watching destination. I love waiting at an airport. Watching people leave and watching them come back. There is an airport scene in the beginning of my favorite Christmas movie. I know that I would get tired of traveling. The thing I love about traveling is the thing I would come to hate if I had to do it for work. So... there''s that.
Back when Pinterest was more prevalent, I loved to pin. I have always loved to pin, even before it was a thing. As a girl I would find magazines and cut out images making a collage of the type of life I wanted. I would watch soap opera for the television commercials because I thought that this was the life that I was looking to have. I can't decorate to save my life but I have imagined each of the rooms of my house as sparse, modern and light/white. This look appeals to me. All of the rooms of my house run dark and somewhat cluttered with the exception of my room. I still like white walls. I wanted a spacious home. I loved this idea of space. Now when I think of space, I think about how much square feet I would have to mop or sweep. I would like cozy and lived in with colors that relax me.
I feel like I need to work part time. Really, I could do working a job 20 hours a week. I would wake up with the kids and help them get ready, as I do already, I would go to the gym on my way back from taking them to school. I would take classes and do yoga. There will be some days that I would come back to the house and sleep in, maybe I'll read a book. When was the last time I read a book? I would go shopping in the afternoon and be home for them.
I think I would like to spend my life writing. Who makes it as a successful writer? I don't know Please take note that in my scenarios there are no men. I'm discovering something about men. Men are like peaches when it comes to dating. You may have a craving for one but when you go to the supermarket and find the last of the season, you find that you would rather not... have the peach.
We don't get the life we want. We get the life that God gives us. I could ask for things but sometimes the better thing is just wanting something. When I was a little girl, I went to the pharmacy with my mom and I saw a package, a nice three pack of Bonnie Bell smackers. In my head, this was the best thing ever. I asked my mother and after finding out that they were over $5, she said I would have to earn it. I thought about those lip balms constantly. I was always looking to make a buck. It took a while but I finally earned enough for the package. I remember going to the pharmacy by myself and buying it alone. Back then, kids could go to the store and buy stuff without adults having a fit. I brought it home. I could not wait to open it and try it on. I didn't like it. Out of the three, the plum one was the only one that I liked. There was a weird orange one that I swear to you I can still taste. The other one, I have no idea. I think about his for a variety of reasons. I miss my mother. I remember a simpler time. But most of all, I remember that wanting the thing was better than getting the thing. I could want the life I want and maybe that's all I get, just to wish for a little bit and dream. That's all.
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