Talking to my daughter today, we got into a ratings scale. I don't know how we really got into the parameters but she ended up rating me. She told me that on a scale of 1 to 10 in beauty, I was a 7. Then she explained that features that made me rate a 7. She told me of my beautiful mermaid hair. She told me that the length and the curls are worthy enough to incite envy. She said it in her 11 year old way. She told me of my petite nose. I am the only one who has this nose. Neither of my children have my nose. She talked of my skin and my long eyelashes. My sweet girl extolled the features that are commonly known as pretty. This is what she called me, pretty. "Mom, you are pretty."
Was it my ego that wanted more? She said that a 10 merits incredible beauty. She told me that I wouldn't want to be a 10. Then I would never know if someone would be with me because of my beauty. Did she learn this from me? Or did she learn this from Drax in Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2? She didn't tell me of the things that lowered my score. I think of my chunky legs and my tummy. Is it my age that contributes to my low ranking? I don't know. Have I always been a seven? I don't know. It's all ego.
Okay, now moving forward with an overestimation of my beauty, I need to understand my level of attractiveness because in my own head, I'm awesome. I have always had a great and confident self-esteem. My dear little girl rates me higher than I actually am. She is sweet and has a good nature. Maybe I'm really a 4 or a 5 on a scale of 1 to 10. My personality would rank me higher as I think that I have a great personality, a guarantee that I am less than a certified 7. They say a good personality lessens your general attractiveness. Well, here's to the 7s. It just so happens to be my lucky number so I'll take it.
Here's the thing, I don't really care about being pretty. I knew that beauty fades. I was prepared to be more than just another pretty face. If I wasn't pretty, what was I going to be. Smart? That doesn't last long. Personable? To what end? To be manipulative? Not my style. I looked at what I wanted: a heart after God's. I'm not there yet. Would someone be able to see this? I don't know. But this is what I think is valuable. I pray that this is what will make sense in my life.