I have decided to give dating a try... again. There is every possibility that I may not be ready to date again but I have discovered that I'm never going to know unless I try. You could say that I'm attempting to develop my growth mindset, especially when there are so many factors of my life contingent on a fixed mindset.
I'm going into this with a different perspective and new understanding. Not every guy that says he is a Christian, is a Christian. It doesn't mean that he believes in the same things that I believe in. I understand this... now, where before it was not so clear. I hear some men complain about women. They say that women are indecisive and that we don't know what we want. I don't know who started it but I find that the men react in kind. They are easily distracted. Maybe everyone is hampered by the Cinderella Syndrome. We are under the misguided apprehension that there is a Prince or a Cinderella in our future. We extend this to the perfect home, the perfect child, the perfect job, the perfect version of ourselves. We reject others because they are not our perceived ideal. We construct our own expectations, right. What if there were no expectations. Maybe the next person could be the person that you could spend the rest of your life with.
In discovering the things that I don't like about a possible suitor, I am discovering stuff about myself. Insecure people are dangerous people. I have insecurities. Everyone has insecurities but it means something different to be generally an insecure person. I appreciate open mindedness. I appreciate honesty. People don't really understand how to be honest with themselves. They haven't developed their emotional intelligence. I'm not claiming to have or to know anything. But I'm understanding myself better. My experiences have changed me. I have different bragging points. I am one who stays. I am one who is learning to communicate clearly. I am one who tries new things. I hear what they are saying but what else are they about? What else are they saying?
Why do I feel I want someone to be with? I hold things. I like to share. I like to talk so that I can see what I'm really thinking and figure out things. I like to turn and talk. I have Janet. Janet does this too. David does not. I turn around and I talk. What happens when Janet is gone? It hurts to think that I will turn around and talk to someone and they won't be there. I am borrowing life from my friend's husbands. They are on loan to me. I turn to them and talk when I have them but I don't have them all of the time. So... I need my own person. Yes? Maybe. I'll keep you posted.