Monday, May 20, 2019


I have been thinking about my options.  You know, there are a lot of things that I need to think about.  This past year has just been about existing.  I have been in survival mode.  Now that the smoke has cleared.  I realize that I have a lot of thinking and maybe even deciding to do. 

You may not know this about me but I am currently in school working on my last degree.  I make no promises.  The reason that I had decided to go back to school was for just this type of situation.  I wanted to have the opportunity to have options.  Now that I am nearing the end of this program (FINALLY!!!  Please be in prayer for me to finish the bulk of it this summer!!!), I need to decide what, if anything I should do with this level of education. 

Here is another thing to just consider.  I'm really just talking to myself.  The Bible suggests that as an "older" widow, I should stay single.  This is one option.  Another option is to get married again.  That opens the door to a whole new subset of options.  You should know that I still wear a band on my left ring finger.  The band is to remind that God comes first but I don't see myself never wearing that band on that finger so... there's that. 

Recently I have realized that I am middle aged.  I kid you not.  I have to remind myself that I am not young any more.  I may need to stop dying my hair purple and let the gray age me just so that I can remember every time I look in the mirror that I am not younger.  So, it goes to say that I have the option to date... maybe.  I'm still not sure about this.  However, I'm considering it, as an option. 

There are options all around me.  And I'm taking it all in and processing.  However, I am end of the year-graduation is tomorrow and I still have a meeting-I may be doing paperwork for the rest of the summer and I need to finish my work-I texted people to pray over me this week-my eyelids hurt-I almost cried at the T-Mobile store because I am just that level of tired- tired.  Honestly.  The only option that I am currently thinking about is calling it an early night and going to bed.  The option that I am choosing is to trust God with my options.  I am choosing to be joyful right this second because I have a comfy bed and a hot shower waiting for me.  I am choosing to hug my growing babies because soon they will have their own options to consider.  So I am praying that God lead me through the options like He led me through my year of survival like following a cloud during the day and a pillar of fire at night. 

Options-but ultimately, it's just one choice, really-Jesus.

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