Why do I have "Provincial Life" from Beauty and the Beast in my head? It runs like a loop. Confession time: I think I have a lot of envy. I feel like I'm sitting here watching life pass me by and I'm wanting. I want to finish my degree. I want to go and live in a different country (not really). I want someone to buy me coffee. I want someone to fight with. You have to imagine me saying all of this with my whiny voice. I know it's hard to imagine because I don't pull it out too often. I promise you that I would get smacked in my mouth if I ever used that voice growing up... so I don't use it too often in real life.
I also have a voice in my head telling myself. Girl, you know we are in a war for souls. You get to go home when you die, but think of all of the people in this world that are struggling and who need the Light you are reflecting. You can rest when you die. There is work to do. Come on!!!
I definitely need to rest. You don't know this if you are not a teacher but we need at least one to two weeks of decompression where we just rest. We don't want to think too much about school. When we leave it's like a purging. We don't want to know about school until it is time to think about school again. I like to sleep and catch on my reading and cleaning (I know I'm not the only one who has not been on top of things in the month of May!!!) I still have a lot to do, even as I write this. I was so tired I reached out to a few friends to say a prayer for me. One of my friends, who is more like a sister, texted me each day to find out how I was doing after that. This was a balm to my weary soul and I thank God for this.
As I approach summer, I hunger and want for things that are good and not so good. I wanted to take the children on a vacation but this is a summer of work that will lead to the completion of my degree, God willing. Next summer, I am hoping to finally graduate, my son will be promoted to high school, my daughter will be moving up to middle school and it makes more sense to go on vacation next summer (Disneyland?). It's hard to not suppose or assume what will happen in my life. I need to be in the present and not allow myself to be distracted with what I want. Instead, I need to be grateful for what I have. I have two children. I have had love. I have a place to stay and a church community that I love. I have the ability to eat well and be healthy. I have health care, what a blessing!!! Each night I go to bed in a comfy bed and in the morning when I arise I see the sun smiling through my pretty curtains in my semi-messy room that I like. I am working towards my final degree, hopefully. I have a coffee maker that makes the coffee as I sleep if I set it up the night before (my daughter does it). When I get tired and I am ready to sleep, I just clap and the light by my bed shuts off and I can just turn around and sleep. Sleep- I sleep so heavy. It's a wonderful thing. Praise the Lord for what I have and am now. Praise the Lord for tomorrow. Lord, I pray that you always remind me of what is important. I thank You, Lord for allowing me to share my real, messy journey with others like me. God is good to me right now.