Thursday, August 15, 2019

On Being Sick

I'm sitting here wondering how honest I should be in my writing.  Today I went home sick.  I hate being sick.  I don't even know how I drove back home.  I'm always so much more vulnerable when I'm not feeling well.  I think it was my father's fault.  He would hold my hand and sit with me until I fell asleep.  It's hard being sick and tired alone.  I feel how heavy I am.  I feel how frail I can be and honestly, I think it makes me scared. 

Have you ever gone for a walk in a forest in the dark?  Usually it's peaceful with sweetness and the sounds of small animals scurrying.  I guess you can say that I'm okay usually, happy and strong even in the sadness.  But when I'm sick it's harder to be and stay strong and then every horrible thing that I have been keeping at bay with my light thinks it's okay to come close to me. Fear and bad things come like coyotes not like wolves.  The bad things are cowards, afraid of light. 

When my light is dim, there is nothing to do but go to the source of all light. I John 1:5 says, "This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light, in Him there is no darkness at all."  There is no darkness.  In God there are no shadows to hide the things that can not stand the light.  Even as I write this, the evening falls upon my part of the earth; but I am not afraid any longer.  Yes, I am ill and weak.  Yes, there appears to be an ache in my bones.  Yes, there are those that would attack those who are vulnerable.  And yet... God is with me.  He has enough light for me.  Thank You, God.

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