Pan-de-mic... Not just any type either, a Global Pandemic. Oh my God. I try not to use that phrase lightly. I hate taking the Lord's name in vain, but in this instance, I am calling to Him. I am saying in that phrase a true prayer for all of you who are reading this and I am praying that those you are around can be blessed by my three word prayer as I sit here shock and awe at this situation that we find ourselves in.
My dear friend, Amelia, wrote in a post, "...pandemic (words I never thought I'd write in my lifetime!)" I echo this sentiment. I will tell you that there is some disbelief at this state that we find ourselves in. I find myself asking, "Is this really happening?" I don't know about you but there are moments that I forget and I'll tell the kids, "Let's go..." Then I remember. We aren't going anywhere. We are staying home. We do go walking. We need to go out to get our minds clear. We started very minor cleaning yesterday. I think that I am drawing out all of the chores. It doesn't help when it rains. We end up not walking and Mom gets a little restless.
What am I thinking? Why am I restless? I should be happy because I don't have another adult to get snippy with and blame. There is only me. And this idea smacks me in the face: There is only me. You ever cry on someone's shoulders? Yeah. I remember what that was like. There is one of you to send to the store for stuff. There is one of you to be strong while the other vegges out. I used to hear Santi tell the kids, "Play quietly. Mom is sleeping." I had desperately needed that nap too. I would get stressed and he would calm me. He would get stressed and it would help me to calm him. When you are helping someone, there is something about it that allows you to be calm yourself. I tell myself, "Listen to what you are saying and take your own advice, Elle."
I think of those movies in the Wild West where there was the Widow Johnson alone with her children and she would have a rifle so when the wild men came she was ready. I'll confess that when I first became a widow, I would have this image in my mind. I'm not sure where it came from. The word, "widow" is a sad word. I think of all of the widows in the Bible. Jesus sent John over to His mother, Mary to take care of her because, I think, she was a widow.
I don't think that I am like other widows. I think I'm sassy and feisty. I think I'm funny and smart. I trust in Jesus to take care of me and I want to show that He does take care of me. He answers prayers, even the silly ones. In the midst of a Pandemic we are figuring things out, with awe and disbelief, with faith and trust, we are walking toward Jesus still. If I didn't have Jesus, I would be writing a different type of story. So praise God from Whom all blessings flow!!!
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