There is so much to write about, so much. In these last few days, it seems as if the world has broken. Am I in a movie? I want to ask you, when did Corona Virus become real to you? I know when it became real to me. I went to buy some staples for the house and there weren't any. I didn't get nervous but something happens to a mother when they hear their children. I remember as babies, my children would cry and I could feel my hackles rising. There was something about the sound that was like a very loud alarm in my head. In the supermarket, I saw their faces. I saw their worry and concern. And they looked to me, I know what they were thinking, "If Mom is fine, then we are fine." I mustered up all the control I could manage and I told them with all the truth I knew, "God is in control." That was all my darling son needed to hear. I heard him tell his sister, "It will be okay." What he didn't say but I heard anyway was: "God's, not Mom, got this!" Praise the Lord!!! We were able to find things. The things that we may need I will order online.
Even now I am calm. I am nursing a heavy heart, though. It is a hard time for the heart. I equate love with this organ. A friend is going through a divorce. Another friend is having trouble with children. Yet another friend is going through a family illness. I am thankful for my friend, Heather, who gave birth to her daughter. I am praying for them. I am missing some of my friends. Friends who are not close. Friends who I may not see again for a while. Logistically, there are some friends that I love dearly that I will never see again.
I took out my heart this morning. It was happy to see me. It pumped strong and had a good healthy red color. I inspected it in my hands and I looked at its surface to see the scars. There were so many. Tears welled in my eyes as I touched the deep healed over gauges. There were some that were deep and long. There were some that were short. I touched them. My heart was happy to see me. I looked at it with my sad eyes filled with sorrow and apologies. It was like a dog, happy to see me. If it had a tail it would wag. I have a dog's heart but I wish to have a cat's. The reason I had taken it out was to check it to make sure that it was strong enough for what was to come. It seemed strong. I found an imprint on my heart, underneath, hidden between the ventricles, "Property of God." This is why my heart could be so loving and forgiving. This was why it could withstand so much pain and still beat strong. There are no open wounds on my heart, there are some that are healing but I'm not bleeding. There are some scars that are small and painful but again, I know that they will heal.
Friends, I scratched my heart. I did. I wanted to see what would happen. My heart yelped. It took a day to be moody. It languished in the news of the Corona Virus. I confess to not being happy with my heart but before long, it was back to its old happy ways. I looked at the scratch that I have caused it. I can see it, like the scratch that Esther accidentally gave me a month ago. But I know that it will heal. I know what you are thinking, "What does that mean that you scratched your heart?" I allowed myself to feel pain and worry even though the truth is that God DOES HAVE THIS!!! So... I will not worry about toilet paper (even though I really do want to worry about toilet paper). I will not worry about milk right now and I am praying. Let me know if you need some prayer too. I think that we all need prayer these days. Love deeply, Friends.
I Peter 4: 7-9
"The end of all things is at hand; therefore be self-controlled and sober-minded for the sake of your prayers. Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling."
No comments:
Post a Comment