Jinx

I never really though of myself as superstitious but I realize that I have superstitious tendencies that I need to work on.  I own a black cat. I will walk under a ladder but it doesn't seem like a good idea.  I'm not necessarily scared of the number 13 but I do pay attention to numbers.  

There is this phrase that I grew up with, "Speaking of the devil."  You would say this phrase in a joking manner when someone you were talking about would show up.  It was funny.  I didn't think it would end in anything badly but there is this idea of jinxing something.  All of a sudden, I find that I start doubting my good God.  Or worse, I act like I serve a capricious ruler that will change his or her mind if I am not forever loyal and good in service.  I don't.  And yet... I act like it sometimes.

I find I want to knock on wood when I say something like good news because I don't want ruin the good thing.  I don't want to bring up the name of someone that I find challenging because I may see them.  I catch myself behaving superstitiously.  Superstition is a form of idolatry.  You lack trust in God for what you hope for.  And we all have idols: rabbits feet, a lucky coin, a ritual you have to do, money, a person that you rely on for what only God can do, our own abilities, our children,etc... We all have so many idols.  

I'm sure it started before then but when I was in my first pregnancy, excited and happy to be with child for the first time.  I had heard a heartbeat and was hopeful; only to lose the baby in a miscarriage a week later.  I was thankful that I didn't talk of the pregnancy ahead of time and instead fell into a bit of depression, isolating myself so that only my husband and I shared in our mutual grief.  When I was pregnant with David, I waited.  I waited till I was big enough to waddle before I told people of my pregnancy.  Don't believe me?  Ask Micky and Danielle, they will tell you how I worked till I was 7 months pregnant and still I didn't say a thing.  

I was quiet with my third pregnancy as well.   And when I started the spotting at 12 weeks, it was Santi, David and myself in the emergency room.  I needed surgery to remove the tiny body of what would have been my second living child. Again, I grieved in silence for the termination of my third pregnancy.  My beautiful little girl came after that pregnancy.  I didn't announce my pregnancies because I didn't want to "jinx" it.  Silly Elle, I'm sure that my friends would have loved to have sat with me, as they have sat with me in the last few years.  They would have liked to have lifted me and my little family in prayer.  

You see, I don't want to jinx it.  It may not be logical reasoning but it is for this reason that I tend to wait to announce things.  What would be so bad if I say something aloud?

I will slip this announcement here.  I am dating someone.  It's been two months. If you are worried about it at all, I would will tell you this, pray.  I welcome all prayer.  There will be no jinxing here today.  I am bringing everything to God in prayer just like the Bible states (Philippians 4:6).  And God is in control.  What will be will be.  I will pray and you will pray and I think everything will be okay.  Praise the Lord!