Today I thought of August two years ago, the year my husband died. I was holding on by a thread and praying constantly for strength. I had been devastated. You see, I had an ideal, maybe it was an idol that I held on to; this idea of what should have happened. I am thankful now that I am not the One who plans my life. I leave that to God. I do!! Yes, I try to intervene but at the end of the day God orders my path. I am looking back. It was such a steep climb. The thing is that we don't go through the same places on this journey. We move forward and we don't pass by again so that things are never the same as they once were. All experiences are new. You can try and compare them but such is the nature of the journey. I knew that this idol was... not practical but I want what I want when I want it. I felt sure of what I needed then. I understand now that all I need is God.
God calls us to remember when He came to rescue us. He saved the Israelites from being slaves in Egypt. He was with His people. He is with me. I have to tell myself to remember that God has already saved me from a lot. He will be with me during this time too.
I stop. I take a deep breath. I close my eyes. "God is with me. God saves me. Alleluia." This is the prayer that I tell myself while my eyes are closed. I feel the breath go down to the bottom of my belly. I feel the places in my back where I am holding the stress. I am trying not to be afraid of what tomorrow will bring. I am attempting to trust in God and I'm praying. I'm telling you right now, it is a good strategy. Praise the Lord!
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