In The Cocoon

I'm going to keep it short.  I don't know what to think about my life any more.  I have been busy.  So busy.  I recognize that I need a vacation.  I remember when I was younger that I would do things to try on different versions of myself when I really just needed a change.  I would get piercings and once, I got a tattoo.  I would try lipsticks and dye my hair.  Sometimes I would cut my hair really short.  These days as a stable and semi professional person, getting a nose piercing may not be the way to go. 

I've been staving off my craziness with nail polish, plumping lip gloss and eye shadows.  If I couldn't dye my hair blue or purple, I don't know what I would do.  I can't bear to put too much on my face.  I want to recognize my face when I look in the mirror (it doesn't really matter because every time I look in the mirror I see my face, never the make up). 

I want to find my new favorite song.  I want to dance.  I want to feel the wind in my hair.  I think I miss New York.  I think I miss the city that I knew so well.  A place I could lose myself in and then rediscover myself.  A place I could redefine myself and reinvent myself then do it all again the next day until I got the formula right.  

Is this what it is?  I miss things?  Or is it time for a new iteration of myself.  I am becoming someone.  I am twisting and turning in the fibers of a cocoon. What do butterflies think about as they are evolving?  I need to figure out who I am becoming. Whoever I become my prayer is that it is someone that reflects God in everything she does.

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