I have been thinking about what to write about. I have so many thoughts floating around my head and there are somethings that I can't share because I don't have words or feelings to talk about it all. Let me explain this whole situation regarding feelings. Honestly, the only thing that I have been feeling is overwhelmed. I think I have been sharing why. You know what I'm learning? I'm learning to never complain because whatever I'm going through it could go worse. Therefore, I am grateful. I can regret and feel bitterness but I have to trust God with my life and my story. If I'm still breathing, then my story is not over yet.
BUT LET ME BE CLEAR...
I had someone tell me, "I'll be okay in the end. If I'm not okay then it's not the end." What? There are no promises of a happy ending. I understand that my life is the Lord's to do with it as He will. My happy ending may not be on this earth. It may await me in the next life and if that's the case then I'm not going to wait for something that will not happen until I'm dead. Instead, I pray that I can be effective in God's Kingdom this side of heaven.
So... I am thinking about what Hannibal told Clarice in Hannibal: "...would they have you back, you think? The FBI? Those people you despise almost as much as they despise you. Would they give you a medal, Clarice, do you think? Would you have it professionally framed and hang it on your wall to look at and remind you of your courage and incorruptibility? All you would need for that, Clarice is a mirror." This is a quote that I think of often. This implies that I need to be what I hope to be. I need to try to be the best version of myself every single day. Why? That mirror. Who I am needs to reflect who God is. So when I look in the mirror, I need to b proud of that.
Lovies, when you look in the mirror, I want you to be proud of what you see in the mirror too. I hope I'm modelling it well for you.