It's a Covid Christmas

 So...  I last reported that I had a cold. I dragged my children and myself to the covid testing center.  I did it because a cold is enough like covid to get tested.  I got the results back yesterday as I was on the golf greens with my guy.  David came back negative.  Janet came back positive.  I was already feeling down.  My dear sweet cousin, David Vega passed away yesterday.  He was the dj for my wedding.  I can hear his deep voice.  I was close to at least one of his sons.  I would hang out with him on family holidays.  Already I miss him.  He had a stroke and then caught covid.  This virus has stolen a lot from me so far.  And just in case you were wondering, my results came back last... negative.  Poor Janet!!!

I think about the meager plans we had made for a pandemic holiday.  We had thought about going to Glendale Glitters.  We were going to go to church for Christmas Eve.  We were going to go to Geoff's for Christmas.  Now I wear a mask in the car and in my house.  Conditions are not ideal.  

Then to make the situation worse, I was driving home from getting tested... again and I went by Geoff's to pick up his air fryer.  I was thinking about finally making some gluten-free Doritos chicken (Doritos is the devil even when I'm just thinking about it!!!) when I saw the trooper behind me.  I was speeding.  Not cute enough to get off with a warning, he gave me the ticket and I felt myself start to descend into a spiral.  I'm usually okay for the children but dealing with teenagers is a challenge.  I mean, where the heck are my sweet compliant children?!!  I have been trying to show maturity and self-control but I want to snap at them and their attitudes.  They are full of ego.  I am lacking the patience to deal with them and I am processing my life.

There are plans and non-plans.  There are prayers going up for everyone.  This vaccine, this world, this virus is... a lot.  I think it is finally hitting me, this Christmas that we are in the middle of a pandemic and it is not fun.  I will not try to predict the future.  I am attempting to trust in God and do the right thing.

I made the gluten free panko chicken and french fries in the air fryer, along with Doritos chicken and barbeque pork rind chicken.  There were a lot of tenders.  It's a good thing I have two hungry teens to eat them all!  I ate a whole sleeve of chocolate gluten free cookies with warm milk.  At some point, I ate not one but two lemon pudding cups with raspberries because they are my favorite.  I am all full, finally.  I have "Love Actually" on and I'm writing.  God is alive and on His throne.  I will not despair.  I will pray.  I will pray for my family who have lost a husband, father, brother and uncle.  I will pray for friends who have lost loved ones.  I will pray for that one student who is struggling.  I will pray for God's will to be done as I try to make decisions and pay for speeding tickets.  Prayer works.  So I'll do it.  Praise the Lord!!  

The Cold

 I remember going home and feeling the slight tickle in the back of my throat.  Ugh!!!  I was hoping that I was just getting allergies but the next day, my face was swollen and I had a fever and a runny nose.  I knew.  I knew I had a cold.  I really wanted to go in but I knew I had to be responsible.  I taught from home and did my work but I could feel my body ache and I knew that I needed to drink liquids and take care of myself.  

I made the appointment to check for covid.  I have been praying that it is just a cold but already, ALREADY, it is disrupting my life.  I was supposed to go to a cookie exchange.  I even bought cookie mix!!!  (I'm not the best of bakers even in the best of times.  If you want something edible then trust me, a mix is great!!!)  I was supposed to serve at church this Sunday too.  The kid I am lucky enough to work with can't make it so to keep everyone safe and room to heal before Christmas, we will go to church virtually.  Monday I'll know what I'm dealing with, hopefully.

And the testing has changed.  The last time I went, they just stuck a cotton swab up my nose and twisted.  I made sure to not blow my nose too much.  I was ready with my boogies handy!!!  I want to be cooperative.  They didn't ask for boogies though.  They asked for half a plastic vial of saliva.  I knew I would be there a while.  My daughter was done in a minute.  I think I was working on it for 20 minutes.  Holy Dehydration, Batman!!!  My mouth was dry and then they said not to eat or drink anything.  I was thinking of mouth watering things to help.  Steak made just right with a loaded potato or pernil and arroz con gandules... Yum!!!  Oh great!!!  NOW my mouth waters!!!

I think it is in my head but looking at the social media pictures of the snowy places has me feeling more cold than I am used to.  I think I have a coat in my closet... I have to check.  Surely it is an old fashioned outer garment but I guess this is the winter where we use coats.  Let me get a cup of tea to warm myself up, or better yet, a hot chocolate bomb!!!  I saw one online and now I can't unsee it.  I think of all of the calories and all of the sugar but after having like five candy canes (surely an exaggeration).  I find that I don't care as much.  I am in a Holiday frame of mind and wild horses couldn't drag me out of it.  I am thankful.  I am thankful for healthy babies(my babies), a boy who graduated from high school and a man with warm hands and a warm sweet disposition, my man.

An Aside: I'm watching "The Little Mermaid."  Am I the only one who thinks Ursula is gorgeous and ahead of her time?  She may be my favorite villainess.  

I am thankful.  Praise the Lord for this quiet and somewhat careful and isolated Holiday Season.  Even in these times, we are reminded of God's love for us in coming to earth to become a Man who died for our sins.  Thank You, Jesus.  

Christmas Movies

 Please note that I did not say any thing about my favorite prescribed, canned Christmas movies that can be found on a certain card company channel.  I love those.  Why?  Everyone wants to know why.  I will tell you why. 

They say that the plots are predictable and formulaic.  Yes!!!  Listen, I'm a teacher.  I get adventure and surprises every day.  I would love nothing more than to follow a predictable plot while I am doing 70 other things.  It is easier to follow when they are so predictable.  I don't get lost.  Yay!  Do you know how many times I have to rewind a regular movie?  More than once... in a scene!!!  

Let me tell you something about happy endings.  They all have happy endings.  It is a Christmas miracle!!!  Real life does not always end in happy endings.  It's good to see what happy ending look like sometimes.  It keeps in mind that eventual happy ending forever when Christ comes again.  Until then, we can see various wholesome happy endings ala Christmas channel corniness, which I love.

All of the heroines have flaws.  I love the flaws.  They are all different and all of them represent us.  It is a time to let down our hair, confront our faults and compare how we are like those women.  All of them represent something that we have and I'm good with that.  It's also good to know that even with their flaws, these women find love.  They are loved.  It reminds me that I am loved, so loved.  It's a warmth to remember this at Christmas.  

These are our grown up animation shows that we would see over and over again.  These movies are our Rudolph, and Frosty shows but different and grown up.  The small towns versus the big cities we actually live in.  The snow we remember as kids versus our sunny warm days living in warmer climates.  These days can be scary.  I can take a little predictable.

You can yum yuck the Christmas things but there is always something we love that other people don't like.  Some things we admit to and some we let go but I'm good with the corny Christmas movies that sometimes lend out a bit of the Christmas Spirit that can be hard to grasp on to.  Go ahead.  Be corny.  Listen to the Christmas songs and keep the tree lighted.  Frost the cookies and hang the stockings.  Life is short.  Remember the reason for the season and be grateful.  Praise the Lord. 

Advent

 I had to look it up.  Advent means coming.  We take for granted when we hear Advent that it commemorates the coming of Jesus down to earth to save us from our brokenness.  Advent happens all the time.  Even now we wait.  We wait for the second coming promised to us, we wait even though it may not happen in our lifetimes.  I mean, we wait for a lot of things.  We wait for love, we wait for death, we 

I think a lot of us this year is waiting for the coming of the new year.  I think we hope that it will be a better year.  2020- I think that the hope was for it to be a better year.  The beginning of a decade.  Even the name held so much promise!!!  I was talking about it with my students.  They were talking about the issues that they had with this year.  I remember telling them that this year was not so bad.  There was a lot of things I didn't know how to do.  I had to learn to parent and teach in a different way.  I have to do my job differently and I had to be okay with just being okay and not being great or excellent.  HOWEVER, this year was still a lot better than 2018.  

I think about 2018.  I lost a lot that year.  I shudder to think of it.  This year in comparison, I learned to go with the flow.  I gained a boyfriend and new traditions.  I lost weight.   I gained steps and adventures in hiking.  There were times that I was stressed and felt lost it was okay because I was not alone in being stressed and lost.  And here is the thing that I am so grateful for: I was never lost and alone and I never will be. 

As I rethink this different Christmas season, as I reflect on Advent.  I want to spend some time thinking on what is coming in the next year.  There will be changes.  It may require adjusting and being flexible.  I hate moving so... already I'm dreading it.  I wonder.  I wonder what doors will open. I wonder what doors will close.  There is peace.   I have God who came to earth.  I have God who stands beside me, even in the storm, even in the shadow of the valley of death.  I am thankful. Praise the Lord.

Best Practices

 I am sitting down and feel the places where I have held tension.  We put our bodies through stress through a million different ways we hold ourselves, we brace ourselves.  I stretch even a little and I can feel it in my lower back.  I feel it in  my shoulders and the base of my neck.  I move my head from one side to another and I hear a crack.  I breathe in.  Here is the thing.  I know better.  I know that I should be stretching.  I know that I should be drinking more water.  I know that I should take deep cleansing breaths in and out.  In these winter months, I should take a walk now and again to stave off the lack of light during the day.  Lack of light makes people prone to depressive episodes.  Depressive episodes allow the devil, that snake, to come and whisper from his stockpile of lies to further defeat you.  Misery truly loves company. 

I push my shoulders back and take a breath.  "I love..."  I breathe out.  "You, Lord." I breathe in.  "A-lle..." I breathe out. "lu-jah"  I breathe in.  Why don't I do what I should do to keep myself well?  Why do I forget to take care of myself in these small ways?

When I was in high school, I wore a uniform.  Even with tights, I would feel the New York City cold.  I knew that if my legs would get dry then the skin would become itchy and uncomfortable.   I would forget to put the lotion on even though I had plenty.  Even now I forget and I have a plethora of lotions in my room.  I sit here thinking of all of the things that I should do but don't because I don't want to or I forget.  I don't follow best practices when it comes to me.  I realize I will not be able to do them all and there are some I have learned never to go without but I need to be better and do better at taking care of myself.

The same holds true for spiritual principles.  I have a devotional app that includes a Bible.  I am able to listen to the Bible and read the devotions in the morning and evening.  I don't always do this.  I will go a few days and then as I go over what I need to do, I will eventually remember and catch up.  I am always behind.  I sabotage myself and I don't really know why.  There is a selfishness in taking time to take care of yourself, but I will do it for a series, or a movie.  I will pick the empty and wasteful time over the more productive.  It is almost like picking empty calories over the good calories.  I did that for years and now I am counting calories and eliminating sugar and carbs.  If I had been doing it all along there is a possibility I would have to do it so rigorously now.  It is true, sooner or later you should take care of yourself before it becomes a need, both physically and spiritually.  

Take care of yourselves, Friends.  

Silence and Waiting

There is a lot swirling around my head these days.  I have not been really active in any decision making. I know that transition is coming.  I had spoken about transitions last year.  I'm still in a holding pattern.  It takes me a while to process things and to make decisions.  I would even say that I have very poor decision making skills.  Me?  I like to wait.  

This brings me to "Hamilton" and some thoughts.  This musical/play/movie has obviously affected me.  I have seen it several times.  The song that affects me most has to do with the antagonist, Aaron Burr.  I think I appreciate Burr's story almost as much as I appreciate Hamilton's.  I am reminded of Salieri and Mozart when "Amadeus" came out.  "Wait For It" is the song that I keep thinking about.  Burr and I have something in common.  We wait.  I was taught that good things come to those who wait.  

When I was younger, a teenager, I was just starting puberty when I discovered my mouth.  James didn't lie in his Epistle when he talked about the tongue and how it can get you in trouble.  My mouth was always writing checks that I couldn't cash.  Afterwards, I would feel... bad.  I would think about the things I said and I knew that I couldn't take them back.  Was this the person that I wanted to be?  Did I want to be someone who had a big mouth?  My father would recite to me in Spanish, Proverbs 17:28 "Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues." It took me a while but I had to learn how to control my mouth.

I heard this thing that said something like, "Is it kind?  Is it meaningful?  Is it worth it?"  Someone would say something and I would have the words burning in my mouth.  The words were burning.  I finally learned to be clever and quick with my quips only to leave the words in my brain.  I had to learn how to tell myself stop.  Then I had to ask, "Is it kind?"  I would argue with myself.  "This is too good to keep in my head!!!"  "No."  Was the response.  I want to think it was the Holy Spirit telling me no.  

I had this boyfriend when I was much younger.  I won't say his name but he was quiet.  I misinterpreted his silence for deep pensive thought.  I told myself that he was a smart thinker.  I filled in his narrative for him. It turned out that he was not a deep thinker.  He was a selfish man who didn't speak because he lacked the communication skills.  My father had been right, even a fool is thought wise if he keeps his mouth shut.  

These days, I am slow to speak.  I ask myself if this is a good thing.  Should I have a response?  Then another verse from James comes to me. "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires."  James 1:19-20

There are times when I feel bad waiting.  I'm a teacher.  I have had better times waiting than being active or making a decision.  Of course, there are times when a decision needs to be had, but for the most part, waiting has served me well.  Having a teen screaming with tears and rage at me.  They curse me out.  My response is to rage back.  But then... I pause.  Stop.  I tell myself.  "Is it kind?"  I thank God for those times when I have kept silent instead of reacting.  My favorite, Psalm 37 teaches me to wait on God.  The only active thing to do is pray.

There have been days that I sit down and say, "I should be doing something."  Should I?  I think there is something there that makes me feel like I am not doing anything but then again, I pray and wait.  God is working in my waiting.  Praise the Lord.

Gluten-Free Apple Pie

 Today I came home and opened the fridge to eat something for dinner.  It was there on the top shelf with just a crumbled aluminum foil over it.  I peeked in and saw a slice, the last slice.  It was the last slice of the gluten-free apple pie that he made me.  

You see, he made it for me like he made the gluten free three cheese mac and cheese for Thanksgiving.  Janet asked for the mac and cheese but he wanted to make sure that I got some.  This pie, this pie was just for me.  I told him that I didn't need a pie.  I told him that I hadn't had pie in over a decade.  He had no idea how to make it but he bought the all purpose gluten free flour anyway.  He took me with him to make sure none of the other ingredients had gluten either.  

On Thanksgiving, I had forgotten to buy the vanilla ice cream.  He went out and found the last carton of Breyers vanilla ice cream.  He made a crumble finish on top.  We had it after we ate and put ice cream on the warm apple pie.  It was delicious.  He didn't keep any of it.  He packed it up with the aluminum foil in the same pie tin he made it in and sent it home with us.  

Today I saw it there, the aluminum foil covered pie crust.  "This was made for me.  This is my pie."  I pulled it out and heated it up.  I made sure to get all the loose pieces of crumbles that had fallen.  There wasn't enough syrup so it was a little dry.  I didn't care.  I ate it with relish.  He called while I ate it.  "What are you eating?"  He didn't even judge me when I told him that I was having apple pie for dinner.  He reminded me how I protested the pie.  I thanked him for making me this pie that I thought I didn't want.  You know what he told me?  He told me next time he would roll out the crust and make sure there was a softer apple.  There would be a next time.  There would be another apple pie, another apple pie that he would make for me.  

I am thankful to God for family, gluten-free pies and the sweet man who made it for me.  Praise the Lord!!!