Seasonal Emotions

 A few years ago I heard about seasonal depression.  This was a thing?  Apparently, in the winter months, people get depressed because of the lack of sunlight.  I don't get depression per se.  I was anticipating a feeling of dread after Christmas but this has not been necessarily true.  However, I find that I am feeling emotions.  

I have a bunch of things that seem to be happening all together.  I was afraid of this.  Truly, it's all a little scary and I need to be brave to face the stuff of life that seems to happen with or without you.  I don't know if you can resonate.  It's almost like being forced off of a snow lift to leap into a snow bank or risk dying.  You have been hanging on scarily without a seatbelt for the whole ride as you looked down from the snow lift high above.  I mean, that's hard enough, no one told you you would have to jump off.  So now I am anticipating the jump off.  It has definitely been a season for me.

I thought back to the beginning of the hard and I would say that the hard started in 2017.  This was when Santi started feeling ill.  Before I knew what was happening and worried that it would be bad.  So many say that 2020 was the worst year of their lives but I contend that 2018 was the absolute worst years only to lead into 2020 and here we are in 2021 and I'm still here and breathing.  It's a miracle, isn't it?  I have come to realize that even though I'm a little nervous about the ride ending, I think I'm ready for it to end.  It may be scary moving forward but I think it would be harder not getting off and facing injury because I was too scared to move.  

God wants us to trust Him and to be courageous.  I think He knows that it can be scary but He gives us confidence to lean on Him and know that we are not alone and that there is a plan in place.  He told Joshua, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9.   

I am comforted.  I may have seasonal emotions but I have a consistent, every day, forever kind of God, who won't let me go.  Praise the Lord!!!