A few years ago I heard about seasonal depression. This was a thing? Apparently, in the winter months, people get depressed because of the lack of sunlight. I don't get depression per se. I was anticipating a feeling of dread after Christmas but this has not been necessarily true. However, I find that I am feeling emotions.
I have a bunch of things that seem to be happening all together. I was afraid of this. Truly, it's all a little scary and I need to be brave to face the stuff of life that seems to happen with or without you. I don't know if you can resonate. It's almost like being forced off of a snow lift to leap into a snow bank or risk dying. You have been hanging on scarily without a seatbelt for the whole ride as you looked down from the snow lift high above. I mean, that's hard enough, no one told you you would have to jump off. So now I am anticipating the jump off. It has definitely been a season for me.
I thought back to the beginning of the hard and I would say that the hard started in 2017. This was when Santi started feeling ill. Before I knew what was happening and worried that it would be bad. So many say that 2020 was the worst year of their lives but I contend that 2018 was the absolute worst years only to lead into 2020 and here we are in 2021 and I'm still here and breathing. It's a miracle, isn't it? I have come to realize that even though I'm a little nervous about the ride ending, I think I'm ready for it to end. It may be scary moving forward but I think it would be harder not getting off and facing injury because I was too scared to move.
God wants us to trust Him and to be courageous. I think He knows that it can be scary but He gives us confidence to lean on Him and know that we are not alone and that there is a plan in place. He told Joshua, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9.
I am comforted. I may have seasonal emotions but I have a consistent, every day, forever kind of God, who won't let me go. Praise the Lord!!!