You should know that I have always had issues with feelings. Do I deal with my emotions? How do I check in with myself while not letting my emotions take over? Because my emotions would like nothing more than to take over.
As a young girl, I found that I was emoting a lot. My mother had died. My father started dating a woman I could moderately tolerate. I really could not stand her three daughters. I was moving on from my beloved elementary school to high school so there were a lot of transitions. I think the one that affected me the most was when my father decided to move churches. That one hurt me the most. Besides all of that, I was a teenage girl being raised by her dad. It wasn't really easy.
I found that at that time I was fickle. I didn't know how to emote properly. I wanted people to see me as happy and healthy but I was still in mourning and I was having a tough time with transitions and identity. It was easier to lean into finding my identity (which didn't always go well). I had a year when I was swayed into heavy Christian legalism and loved every minute of it if I'm honest. But when the fog died down, and high school was over. I knew I had to grow up and put away some of my childish ways. For me, this meant, not giving in to my emotions.
I didn't have time for emotions as much. It would seem like they would eat me up. I'm reminded of all of this as I talk to my own daughter who unfortunately reminds me of my time as a teen. I say unfortunately because I definitely understand how much she is feeling and how her situation mirrors mine.
Is what we feel the truth or just our truth? Speak your truth is what I hear. But what if our truth is just our emotions talking for us? I was talking to someone and to make a long story short and I was going to say, "I'm just speaking my truth." I meant this to mean that I am speaking my perspective of what is going on. I am speaking what I think to be truth because it is what I am feeling but is this right? I think we should communicate because this is how misunderstandings and miscommunications are rectified. I'm not sure we should label it as truth.
Proverbs 29:11 says, "A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds back." Already this is calming me down. So what do I do? I think it is important to acknowledge what we are feeling. I mean... because what are we supposed to do with them? I don't think it is wise to bottle them up.
Philippians 4: 6-7 says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hears and your minds in Christ Jesus." The answer is prayer. Take all the bile and anger. Take all the tears and heartbreak. Take all of the pain and injustice of humanity and I will bring it to the foot of God who is more than well-equipped to handle my tirades.
I think it is important to talk about what you feel but it doesn't have to be your truth. I want to believe that God is all of the truth that I need. John 14:6: "Jesus answered, 'I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me." Praise the Lord!
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