Missed me over the weekend? Well, I'm not blogging on the weekends. I'm spending time with my children. However, I came across this post on Facebook that I can not stop thinking about. My dear friend is amazing and single. She is stunning beautiful. She owns her own house. She has a Masters degree. She is a restaurant recruiter for over 100 restaurants. I know her. I consider her a friend. She is funny and real and a wonderful positive individual. She has not found a guy yet.
She posted about meeting with a professional matchmaker. The "matchmaker" recommended that she lose weight because she didn't have "a skinny waistline." She's not even chubby!!! She's thick the way that you wish your steak comes served with a side of potatoes and broccoli. Okay, so maybe that isn't exactly appropriate to say but women come with their own brand of beautiful. Well, I was really shocked about this post. And I'll elaborate more on it in a moment.
I don't know what possessed me but I scrolled down to see the comments. I needed to know the response that people were having to this post. I love that so many women supported my dear friend in her wonderful attributes. They expressed sentiments similar to the one I mentioned above. Well, there was one guy who commented who agreed with the matchmaker. He stated something that I am now currently wondering about because it makes so much sense to me. He told her that despite men verbally affirming that they like their women independent and successful, women such as her are less likely to find that someone because men are insecure (I'm paraphrasing but I promise you that I'm sticking with the facts.). Men are insecure!!! Is that true? I may need to talk to more men because I can't imagine men rejecting wonderful women because of insecurity. Maybe I'm being totally naive. For me, if there is a bargain on a purse, I don't feel insecure about buying it. I just know that I'm getting the better deal. What are men afraid of? What do they have to feel secure about? Because if this is really true then my young adult single life makes a lot of sense.
This guy then goes on to wax on about being physically attractive and this is why the matchmaker's suggestion is an honest one and not offensive at all. Then he hits something else that just may be on the nail. He said that the dating pool is very skewed. There are a lot of great single women but not a lot of great single men. This means that great men have the opportunity to have the pick of the litter. The insinuation is that mediocre men have great options as well and that women have to settle because of supply and demand.
I texted my friend to ask permission to write about this and she thought I shouldn't buy in to what her friend was saying. She gave me many reasons why this one guy is not a credible source, but regardless, his comments merit thought. You see, I have options. I can stay single and be a loving mother to my children for the rest of my life or I can date. I don't have any idea what to do because being single is a good option. Paul in his letter recommends the single life for widows of a "certain age." I can see my days filled with peace and comfort surrounded by my sweet children. I see myself becoming more of who I am. I can see the service that I could provide to my family and to my church through my singleness. I have only God to answer to. I can bask in the love that my dear husband left me. I can walk in the memory of his love and know that I had it great for a while. I was so incredibly loved.
My husband and I would have conversations. You know the ones, the "what if" conversations. He would tell me to remarry. He didn't want me to be without a companion. He was sweet that way. His recommendation for me was Justin Timberlake or a Tom Hardy type of guy. So when I think about dating. I have to think of it from a different perspective than my husband. I already talked about developing identity. This identity is used in order to meet different people and answer the question, "Who are you?" I don't exactly know all of the time. Then I need to think about what I want and what I'm expecting if I am to date. It may be like going to an outlet store hoping to find the perfect item and finding only disappointment and resentment. It may be like getting to the clearance sale an hour before it ends and finding nothing usable. I'm being harsh. My friend, the one with the original post is younger and thinner than me. I want to think, "If she can't find someone what chance do I have?"
My answer? The sovereignty of God. If God wants me to fill the rest of my days with solitude and calm then so be it. If He wants me to find someone to be a companion and a helpmate to then so be it. I'm not going to worry about being attractive. I already know that I'm beautiful. I'm not going to worry about being too big or too much. I know that I am healthy and loved just as I am. I am thankful for my life. Yes, I am a hot mess but let's not make any mistake, I'm God's hot mess and even an omelet with its eggs scrambled together with olives, ham and cheese (another type of hot mess) can nourish and satisfy.
It's hard being without my other half some days but I'm not without joy. I believe God sends you who you need when you need it. And sometimes He tells you that His grace is enough. Either way, I think that I will not stress about being enough. I will be who I am and let God be enough for me and for whoever else comes along.