I have a healthy self-esteem. You can't convince me otherwise. My father had a hand in this. He was 44 years old when I was born. He traveled from Cali, Colombia to Canada on motorcycle. He traveled with a Swiss friend. My dear sweet father knew how to take a risk. He had seen a little bit of life and he had ideas for raising his only daughter.
He would never say I was overweight. He called me healthy. He would tell me and show me to be happy with the way that I was. It took a lot of reminders on his part. He loved me so well. As a tween, he taught me how to walk. He made me make my own decisions. He would always remind me of my worth. When I talk to people, it's his words that come out of my mouth. I am so happy to continue his lessons in my children's and student's lives. My Dad taught me how to have perspective.
Because of this, I am secure in who I am. I like being secure. I love who I am. I am loved by a wonderful and powerful God. I have wonderful children and I have amazing friends who will speak truth into my life. I like my face. I think I'm pretty and I act like I know I'm pretty. Is that bad? I like my curly hair and I like it long. It took me forever to love my hair. I don't like my legs but then I feel bad for them. Here they are, these chunky legs and they try so hard. They get me around, they hardly complain. My kids think they are soft to sit on. How can I be mad at them for being chunky!!! So, despite the fact that they are not my favorite... I love my legs. They are so good to me.
I always feel the need to apologize for my personality. I know that my personality is big. If it had a color it would be chrome plated pink. I love to laugh. In movies, my children have to shush me. I am thankful to God for how He made me. Psalm 139:14 says, "I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows well." Did you hear that? Fearfully and wonderfully made and what God makes is MARVELOUS. That's me!!! My soul knows that God does wonderful work and I am one of them. Isn't that amazing!!! I have a healthy dose of self-esteem.
I'm going to tell you about my next thought. I was going to write another post but I think I have to just go for it. Because of my self-esteem, I want everything. I want to be seen the way that I see myself. Maybe I want to be pursued and sought after. You should know that my dear husband had trouble finding fault with me even though I wasn't perfect. I loved the way that he loved me. He wouldn't want me to settle for anything less than everything. Should I even think that I can get that again? Maybe. I'm okay with holding out for everything. If I never get it again, I'm okay just having had it the one time. God is super good to me. Hey!!! God made you great too!!! Don't forget it.
Wednesday, July 10, 2019
Tuesday, July 9, 2019
My Love of Stories
As a girl I loved stories. I loved stories of all kinds. My father would buy me books to add to my small bookcase. My father, with his heavy accent would read to me from these Disney picture books. I would make him read to me until he was almost asleep with me on the bed. It was the most comforting thing. Later when I was older and in the 3rd grade, I struggled with reading. I liked reading picture books cause I had trouble with the words. It was the only time I really struggled with reading. I remember learning how to read and then I couldn't stop. I would read anything I could get my hands on. Reading allowed me to escape.
My first favorite series was the Laura Ingalls Wilder series. It put things into perspective. Here I was upset about my life and they were facing things like starvation and frostbite. I couldn't get enough of books. I wasn't one to subscribe to fairy tales. That is unless, we talked about Hans Christian Anderson and Grimm Fairy Tales. I know what happened to the real Little Mermaid. I would cry every time I would read The Little Match Girl. I liked my stories with an edge, just like me. I liked my stories with realism.
So, I am confused with myself. I have been asked, "How do I lie to myself?" Well, you should know my first response is that I don't lie to myself but the real truth of the matter is that I most certainly do. I lie about a lot of things. I tell myself stories and sometimes, there is this want of selling myself a fairy tale. I imagine a handsome wonderful guy coming from out of the blue to love me the way that I want to be loved. In my fairy tale, he has a wonderful job that allows him to travel... with me. Is this really what I want? That's the question. I want to be happy and feel peace. I want to laugh and not worry about what anybody else thinks. I love and cherish this idea that I don't have to date. I don't have to get married. What a blessing!!! This isn't the dark ages where a woman who had no man to speak for her was doomed to a hard unrepresented life. I'm appreciating my singleness. I love spending time with my children who are growing so big so fast. Right now, I think I like having options. I can choose. May God be with all of my choices.
My first favorite series was the Laura Ingalls Wilder series. It put things into perspective. Here I was upset about my life and they were facing things like starvation and frostbite. I couldn't get enough of books. I wasn't one to subscribe to fairy tales. That is unless, we talked about Hans Christian Anderson and Grimm Fairy Tales. I know what happened to the real Little Mermaid. I would cry every time I would read The Little Match Girl. I liked my stories with an edge, just like me. I liked my stories with realism.
So, I am confused with myself. I have been asked, "How do I lie to myself?" Well, you should know my first response is that I don't lie to myself but the real truth of the matter is that I most certainly do. I lie about a lot of things. I tell myself stories and sometimes, there is this want of selling myself a fairy tale. I imagine a handsome wonderful guy coming from out of the blue to love me the way that I want to be loved. In my fairy tale, he has a wonderful job that allows him to travel... with me. Is this really what I want? That's the question. I want to be happy and feel peace. I want to laugh and not worry about what anybody else thinks. I love and cherish this idea that I don't have to date. I don't have to get married. What a blessing!!! This isn't the dark ages where a woman who had no man to speak for her was doomed to a hard unrepresented life. I'm appreciating my singleness. I love spending time with my children who are growing so big so fast. Right now, I think I like having options. I can choose. May God be with all of my choices.
Monday, July 8, 2019
Fears
Someone asked me what my fears are. What a crazy question! Hi. My name is So and So. What are your biggest fears? I was like, "What is my biggest fear?" I had to think about it. Fear of speaking? Nope. Fear of death? Not really. Fear of losing someone? Yes but it isn't an effective fear. Everyone hates losing people. That's part of the human existence. I really didn't know at that point what I would be afraid of. Then I had a conversation that led me to figure it all out.
Talking with a friend, I started talking about the restlessness. Restlessness... Sometimes, late at night, when the house is quiet, too quiet, there is a sense of waiting. What am I waiting for? There are days when I have ennui. I'm so glad that the French have a word for it. It is not an extreme emotion. It's more like a pebble in your shoe that refuses to come out. Is it restlessness? Is it impatience? Is it fear? Yes! I had not traced down to the root, the source, my restlessness. This is what emotionally healthy people do. Don't they?
Why have I been restless? What am I waiting for? And what is the fear behind the restlessness? I felt it, the fear. Was it fear of the unknown? Fear of being alone? Maybe a little bit. And then I understood what I was afraid of. I was afraid, AFRAID, of not being seen; of never being seen. Is this why I started this blog? Is this all because of a need for attention? Is needing attention the same as being seen? I don't know.
I have so many wonderful brilliant friends. They are so good to me. They hold my hand when I'm crumbling. They say nice things about me. I'm not a fan of compliments. Who cares about the good? I want to be loved even with my bad. I want to be seen for my flaws.
II Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind." The fear is not coming from God. I wonder who whispers to me when I am trying to find peace. Hagar was Moses' concubine. She was given to him by Sarai. Sarai thought she would rush God's promise. Hagar bore Moses a son, Ishmael. Sarai said that Hagar was giving her haughty looks and complained to Moses. Moses was like, "Your maid, your problem." Sarai was mean to her. So, Hagar ran off into the desert. She was ready to let Ishmael die, exposed to the elements but God had his eye on this Egyptian servant. Genesis 16:13 says that He is the God Who sees me. He is El-Roi. How could I have forgotten? I may have to get it tattooed where I can see it. I am not invisible. I am not forgotten. I am not overlooked. If no one sees me, God sees me.
I may have to come up with some other fears to deal with like: fear of success or fear of commitment. Whatever it is I will remember how merciful and good God has been to us. As always, even with fear, Praise the Lord!!!
Talking with a friend, I started talking about the restlessness. Restlessness... Sometimes, late at night, when the house is quiet, too quiet, there is a sense of waiting. What am I waiting for? There are days when I have ennui. I'm so glad that the French have a word for it. It is not an extreme emotion. It's more like a pebble in your shoe that refuses to come out. Is it restlessness? Is it impatience? Is it fear? Yes! I had not traced down to the root, the source, my restlessness. This is what emotionally healthy people do. Don't they?
Why have I been restless? What am I waiting for? And what is the fear behind the restlessness? I felt it, the fear. Was it fear of the unknown? Fear of being alone? Maybe a little bit. And then I understood what I was afraid of. I was afraid, AFRAID, of not being seen; of never being seen. Is this why I started this blog? Is this all because of a need for attention? Is needing attention the same as being seen? I don't know.
I have so many wonderful brilliant friends. They are so good to me. They hold my hand when I'm crumbling. They say nice things about me. I'm not a fan of compliments. Who cares about the good? I want to be loved even with my bad. I want to be seen for my flaws.
II Timothy 1:7 says, "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind." The fear is not coming from God. I wonder who whispers to me when I am trying to find peace. Hagar was Moses' concubine. She was given to him by Sarai. Sarai thought she would rush God's promise. Hagar bore Moses a son, Ishmael. Sarai said that Hagar was giving her haughty looks and complained to Moses. Moses was like, "Your maid, your problem." Sarai was mean to her. So, Hagar ran off into the desert. She was ready to let Ishmael die, exposed to the elements but God had his eye on this Egyptian servant. Genesis 16:13 says that He is the God Who sees me. He is El-Roi. How could I have forgotten? I may have to get it tattooed where I can see it. I am not invisible. I am not forgotten. I am not overlooked. If no one sees me, God sees me.
I may have to come up with some other fears to deal with like: fear of success or fear of commitment. Whatever it is I will remember how merciful and good God has been to us. As always, even with fear, Praise the Lord!!!
Sunday, July 7, 2019
Irony
I need to be careful of the words that I use because these days, they are coming back to haunt me. I have been making fun of hobbies. I have. If you didn't know, "hobby" is a word that really upsets me. I have also been making jokes about my future. I have told my children and my friends that if dating doesn't work, I will take up crocheting or another such hobby and leave men to deal with themselves without little old me.
I am a mentor to Francine (shout out). She is currently dating (Was I not supposed to say?). This past week, she gave me a boatload of yarn with accompanying crochet needle. It made me laugh as I brought the yarn into the house. Are you giving me a sign, God? Today my son comes into the living room as I'm watching television and he says, "This will be you, Mom. This will be you in a few years." As he glanced at me covered in a granny square camouflage afghan that will cause me carpal tunnel in a few years with two cats hovering about. I am the me that I predicted that I would be.
I started the blanket and immediately I had no idea what I would do with it. I went to visit some friends and it just so happens that I brought my blanket with me. One of their sons who loves camouflage became fascinated with the blanket. I knew then that the blanket was for him. Irony? Providence? Serendipity? God's Sovereignty?
I find it ironic that I love words but when it comes to using them, sometimes, I lack them. How could this be? Is this God's work? I mean, the Bible is full of irony. If you want to gain your life, you must lose it. The first will be last and the last with be first. Right now, right this moment, I am quiet. I don't have a lot of words to write but I find that I have a lot to say. More irony? Maybe. This is all for now.
I am a mentor to Francine (shout out). She is currently dating (Was I not supposed to say?). This past week, she gave me a boatload of yarn with accompanying crochet needle. It made me laugh as I brought the yarn into the house. Are you giving me a sign, God? Today my son comes into the living room as I'm watching television and he says, "This will be you, Mom. This will be you in a few years." As he glanced at me covered in a granny square camouflage afghan that will cause me carpal tunnel in a few years with two cats hovering about. I am the me that I predicted that I would be.
I started the blanket and immediately I had no idea what I would do with it. I went to visit some friends and it just so happens that I brought my blanket with me. One of their sons who loves camouflage became fascinated with the blanket. I knew then that the blanket was for him. Irony? Providence? Serendipity? God's Sovereignty?
I find it ironic that I love words but when it comes to using them, sometimes, I lack them. How could this be? Is this God's work? I mean, the Bible is full of irony. If you want to gain your life, you must lose it. The first will be last and the last with be first. Right now, right this moment, I am quiet. I don't have a lot of words to write but I find that I have a lot to say. More irony? Maybe. This is all for now.
Thursday, July 4, 2019
Freedom
Happy July 4th!!!
Today is Independence Day. I wish you all a very happy and safe Fourth of July, as we refer to it here in the States.
I have been thinking of this concept of freedom. When people ask me about being single, I usually bring up some concept of freedom to defend why I'm not too stressed about it. I remember being asked about being single and I would tell people the following story:
My husband and I would discuss what we would buy for each month and the bills that needed to be paid. Some months there was room for extra and some months there weren't. If you know me, I love make up. I do!!! I see make up as paint for my canvas. Sometimes I like really expensive paint. Well, after my dear sweet guy passed away. I figured out the budget and like most normal adults, I paid my bills. Well, I remember being victim to the most seductive lipstick ad. It was for Lime Crime's Velvetine in Red Velvet. I love lipstick but red lipstick just may be my Kryptonite (that and Doritos). I could not stop looking at that ad. I wanted that lipstick so bad. In my head I could almost hear my husband fighting with me. "You don't need another red lipstick. It's expensive, wait till next month." I put the lipstick in my digital cart. I kept on hearing him. "What if it isn't the color that you really wanted? Are you going to return it?" Returning things is not something I am known for. I hate returning things and will make sure that it is something that I really want just so I don't have to return it. I remember paying for it and just smiling. It was the first time I was able to see through the miles of grief that was in front of me. I could buy lipstick and there was no one to stop me!!!
I am free to buy lipstick. Not really because I have my son asking me now if I really need another red lipstick but it isn't the same thing. I think about the things that I have adapted that allow me freedom. I'm working on my degree and there are days when housework is the last thing on my mind as I try to occupy the children and submit work. You should also know that when the kids and I are home the house is somehow more messy then when we are in school and work. I can put off fixing things for a few days without having an argument. I mean I try to get the kids to clean up after themselves but the heavy, mom cleaning that usually gets done can wait until I get around to it. There is no one to consult when I am planning a trip. I don't have anyone but myself and my children to consider when I'm making choices. There is also no one but myself to blame when I mess up, and I mess up!!!
I find that I pray more. The conversations that I would have had with my husband, I talk with God about. The silly thoughts that occur in my head. The crazy rantings, I tell Glenda but I also tell God. I am always so surprised at the peace that I feel. In Christ I am free. II Corinthians says 3:17 says, "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." Praise the Lord!
My friends, good friends, tell me that I will meet someone. They assure me as if I were a catch too good to be left on the market. I am so blessed to be so loved!!! I think about who I am: Christian, Latina, Academic, Mom, Mess. I understand that there may be no one out there to vibe with me. I'm okay with this. When I get lonely or upset that it is just me, I think of my freedom. I think about God's graciousness in my life and all I can be after all of that is grateful.
Special thanks for our Veterans, Active Soldiers, Those Deployed and those Fallen Your service has allowed me a portion of my freedom. Thank you for your service to our country!!!
Today is Independence Day. I wish you all a very happy and safe Fourth of July, as we refer to it here in the States.
I have been thinking of this concept of freedom. When people ask me about being single, I usually bring up some concept of freedom to defend why I'm not too stressed about it. I remember being asked about being single and I would tell people the following story:
My husband and I would discuss what we would buy for each month and the bills that needed to be paid. Some months there was room for extra and some months there weren't. If you know me, I love make up. I do!!! I see make up as paint for my canvas. Sometimes I like really expensive paint. Well, after my dear sweet guy passed away. I figured out the budget and like most normal adults, I paid my bills. Well, I remember being victim to the most seductive lipstick ad. It was for Lime Crime's Velvetine in Red Velvet. I love lipstick but red lipstick just may be my Kryptonite (that and Doritos). I could not stop looking at that ad. I wanted that lipstick so bad. In my head I could almost hear my husband fighting with me. "You don't need another red lipstick. It's expensive, wait till next month." I put the lipstick in my digital cart. I kept on hearing him. "What if it isn't the color that you really wanted? Are you going to return it?" Returning things is not something I am known for. I hate returning things and will make sure that it is something that I really want just so I don't have to return it. I remember paying for it and just smiling. It was the first time I was able to see through the miles of grief that was in front of me. I could buy lipstick and there was no one to stop me!!!
I am free to buy lipstick. Not really because I have my son asking me now if I really need another red lipstick but it isn't the same thing. I think about the things that I have adapted that allow me freedom. I'm working on my degree and there are days when housework is the last thing on my mind as I try to occupy the children and submit work. You should also know that when the kids and I are home the house is somehow more messy then when we are in school and work. I can put off fixing things for a few days without having an argument. I mean I try to get the kids to clean up after themselves but the heavy, mom cleaning that usually gets done can wait until I get around to it. There is no one to consult when I am planning a trip. I don't have anyone but myself and my children to consider when I'm making choices. There is also no one but myself to blame when I mess up, and I mess up!!!
I find that I pray more. The conversations that I would have had with my husband, I talk with God about. The silly thoughts that occur in my head. The crazy rantings, I tell Glenda but I also tell God. I am always so surprised at the peace that I feel. In Christ I am free. II Corinthians says 3:17 says, "Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom." Praise the Lord!
My friends, good friends, tell me that I will meet someone. They assure me as if I were a catch too good to be left on the market. I am so blessed to be so loved!!! I think about who I am: Christian, Latina, Academic, Mom, Mess. I understand that there may be no one out there to vibe with me. I'm okay with this. When I get lonely or upset that it is just me, I think of my freedom. I think about God's graciousness in my life and all I can be after all of that is grateful.
Special thanks for our Veterans, Active Soldiers, Those Deployed and those Fallen Your service has allowed me a portion of my freedom. Thank you for your service to our country!!!
Wednesday, July 3, 2019
Learning
Online dating is both tiring and funny. I laugh a lot. I laugh even when I'm not supposed to. I accidentally insulted this guy who is into aliens (how was I supposed to know?) and he blocked me. I couldn't stop laughing. It was so funny. I feel bad being mean but it's funny.
Sometimes I feel like I have an internal checklist going on.
Christian-check
Okay-Looking- check
Seems nice-check
I don't know. It seems like the men all have a check list too. I read all of the profiles and they all sound similar. It makes me wonder if all men are after just one woman: Linda Carter as Wonder Woman.
This is what a lot of the profiles want:
Hiker- (I hike! It takes me hours and I may pass out but I'm willing to try!)
Travel- (I can travel. I need a passport but I can travel. Who's paying?)
Fit- (By fit I assume skinny. I'm not skinny but is that really a problem? Maybe?)
Funny- (Every now and again I can be funny.)
Compassionate- (I DO NOT have a reputation for being uncompassionate. Mean? Yes.)
Kind- (That's a stretch...)
Partner in Crime- (Crime? I won't do any time for anyone.)
Smart- (I can hold my own. I'm not a Mensa candidate but I'm okay.)
Likes to laugh- Check (FINALLY!!! Oh but I'm not supposed to be laughing AT you.)
So you would think that I'm taking a crash course in what men want. Nope. Not even a little bit. Why? Because no matter what, each man still has their own taste. Everyone wants to drive a car but not everyone wants to drive the same one. Some people want to drive sedans. Others like to drive trucks. Some are only happy in jeeps. Then you get to the brands. I mean, a Subaru may not have the same feel as a RAV-4. It just so happens that I'm a Maybach. Only a small subset of men will be interested in me. I'm okay with that. I know my worth.
The other thing is that I'm learning about myself. I think I have said this before. Maybe this is the lesson that God has for me in this season. No matter what, I am a Child of God. So, I'm not stressed about dating. I keep telling people that this is my summer project. I'm all set to cancel my subscriptions in about a month or so and focus on finishing up this final degree. I'm working on that when I'm not writing. At the end of the day, I am at peace and I'm walking this journey. I am not alone. I have these two wonderful humans that just so happen to be my children walking with me. I get to teach them and watch them and help them along their way and it is such an amazing blessing. My cup runneth over. Praise the Lord!!!
Sometimes I feel like I have an internal checklist going on.
Christian-check
Okay-Looking- check
Seems nice-check
I don't know. It seems like the men all have a check list too. I read all of the profiles and they all sound similar. It makes me wonder if all men are after just one woman: Linda Carter as Wonder Woman.
This is what a lot of the profiles want:
Hiker- (I hike! It takes me hours and I may pass out but I'm willing to try!)
Travel- (I can travel. I need a passport but I can travel. Who's paying?)
Fit- (By fit I assume skinny. I'm not skinny but is that really a problem? Maybe?)
Funny- (Every now and again I can be funny.)
Compassionate- (I DO NOT have a reputation for being uncompassionate. Mean? Yes.)
Kind- (That's a stretch...)
Partner in Crime- (Crime? I won't do any time for anyone.)
Smart- (I can hold my own. I'm not a Mensa candidate but I'm okay.)
Likes to laugh- Check (FINALLY!!! Oh but I'm not supposed to be laughing AT you.)
So you would think that I'm taking a crash course in what men want. Nope. Not even a little bit. Why? Because no matter what, each man still has their own taste. Everyone wants to drive a car but not everyone wants to drive the same one. Some people want to drive sedans. Others like to drive trucks. Some are only happy in jeeps. Then you get to the brands. I mean, a Subaru may not have the same feel as a RAV-4. It just so happens that I'm a Maybach. Only a small subset of men will be interested in me. I'm okay with that. I know my worth.
The other thing is that I'm learning about myself. I think I have said this before. Maybe this is the lesson that God has for me in this season. No matter what, I am a Child of God. So, I'm not stressed about dating. I keep telling people that this is my summer project. I'm all set to cancel my subscriptions in about a month or so and focus on finishing up this final degree. I'm working on that when I'm not writing. At the end of the day, I am at peace and I'm walking this journey. I am not alone. I have these two wonderful humans that just so happen to be my children walking with me. I get to teach them and watch them and help them along their way and it is such an amazing blessing. My cup runneth over. Praise the Lord!!!
Tuesday, July 2, 2019
Shaken
I don't like being shaken. Recently, this summer, I was taken to a little amusement park that we have in Phoenix, Arizona. There in the middle, there is a pirate ship. This boat rocks from side to side until it is almost vertical. The ride starts off slow. You think, "Oh, this isn't so bad." Then it gets higher and faster. You are like, "Wait a minute!" Taking deep breaths, you remind yourself that the ride is bound to end soon. It doesn't. It keeps going until finally you give up and give in to what you want to do. You find yourself doing something that you promised you wouldn't do. You scream in panic and discomfort. Just when you think you can't anymore. It slows. It's too late. You have lost your dignity. You have been shaken. As the ride comes to its inevitable stop, you feel it. It has affected your head and your stomach. You take your first wobbly steps off of the ride and the ground feels different. Sitting down and taking a break is a must. You watch as you see others excited and exhilarated at the thrill. You are forced to take a moment and rest.
Psalm 23:1-3
The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me besides the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
In thinking about being shaken, I think about snow globes. I was fascinated with them growing up. Shake it up and turn the music toggle around. This is something that is shaken so that the glitter and bits of snow can be moved about. The thing about snow globes is watching the particles drift slowly back down to the ground. We like to see things settled. I like to see things settled I would wait until every single piece of glitter or snow was still, on the floor, before I would take joy in shaking it up and letting it all float down again. But before I can shake it up again, I wait. I watch. I pause. I rest.
I'm not one who likes to slow down. I like to be up and about and I am usually doing just that. I don't like to wait. I don't like to be still. And yet, when after that ride, I can do nothing but rest. I am made to rest. He makes me to lie down in green pastures. Where? He leads me besides the still waters. Why? He restores my soul. For what reason? He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sack. God has a good plan. I have been shaken. You know it and I know it. Let me not pretend that I haven't been through a hard time. Let me not play it off that it hasn't been difficult. I have been shaken and now I am resting. I'm pausing. I know what my next steps are. I will be lead down a path of righteousness for His name's sake. Not because I deserve anything because I don't. Just because of Who God is. Praise the Lord!!!
Psalm 23:1-3
The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me besides the still waters.
He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name's sake.
In thinking about being shaken, I think about snow globes. I was fascinated with them growing up. Shake it up and turn the music toggle around. This is something that is shaken so that the glitter and bits of snow can be moved about. The thing about snow globes is watching the particles drift slowly back down to the ground. We like to see things settled. I like to see things settled I would wait until every single piece of glitter or snow was still, on the floor, before I would take joy in shaking it up and letting it all float down again. But before I can shake it up again, I wait. I watch. I pause. I rest.
I'm not one who likes to slow down. I like to be up and about and I am usually doing just that. I don't like to wait. I don't like to be still. And yet, when after that ride, I can do nothing but rest. I am made to rest. He makes me to lie down in green pastures. Where? He leads me besides the still waters. Why? He restores my soul. For what reason? He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sack. God has a good plan. I have been shaken. You know it and I know it. Let me not pretend that I haven't been through a hard time. Let me not play it off that it hasn't been difficult. I have been shaken and now I am resting. I'm pausing. I know what my next steps are. I will be lead down a path of righteousness for His name's sake. Not because I deserve anything because I don't. Just because of Who God is. Praise the Lord!!!
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