The Second Dose

 It is a strange time.  I had the first dose and as I went to State Farm Stadium, it was like a celebration.  It felt that we were all heroes coming together to overcome this dreaded and unseen enemy, Covid.  I had gotten an appointment at about midnight.  It was strange staying up to then get the vaccine.  I wondered how to get the second dose.  Things were not so clear.  It made me nervous when I learned that I had to get in 3 weeks from the last dose.  I went on to the website to make an appointment and could not get in.  

Thankfully, I got an email that directed me to make an appointment.  I picked another Friday and this time, the only time slots available were from 1am to 6:30am.  I opted for the earliest one.  I don't know exactly what was wrong with me before.  It had been a long week.  I have had a lot of things on my mind.  It was harder this time to stay up and I heard the second dose was harder.  

I opted to get it in the same arm as I knew I couldn't afford not to have access to my dominant arm.  I was treated different.  I was here for the second dose.  I didn't have a lot to learn.  There were no warnings.  You are a second doser.  It felt less like a party.  Even so, I was happy to have the dosage complete.  

In waking up this morning, the pain in my arm is just the slightest bit sharper.  My daughter said that I felt a little warmer but after some ibuprofen, I feel better.  It hurts.  I can't feel it but there is a heaviness in my arm because I know that there is pain there even if I can't feel it.  

I am the first from my family unit to get the vaccine.  I understand that I may require a booster.  I understand that I need to continue to wear my mask to not get strains that are not covered by the vaccine.  As school is starting back up again, I am of the opinion that teachers need to get their vaccines before in person instruction.  I'm glad that I got it even though I'm sore today.

God bless you guys no matter what you think of the vaccine, the virus or anything else.  May you live and not die.  Praise the Lord!

Seasonal Emotions

 A few years ago I heard about seasonal depression.  This was a thing?  Apparently, in the winter months, people get depressed because of the lack of sunlight.  I don't get depression per se.  I was anticipating a feeling of dread after Christmas but this has not been necessarily true.  However, I find that I am feeling emotions.  

I have a bunch of things that seem to be happening all together.  I was afraid of this.  Truly, it's all a little scary and I need to be brave to face the stuff of life that seems to happen with or without you.  I don't know if you can resonate.  It's almost like being forced off of a snow lift to leap into a snow bank or risk dying.  You have been hanging on scarily without a seatbelt for the whole ride as you looked down from the snow lift high above.  I mean, that's hard enough, no one told you you would have to jump off.  So now I am anticipating the jump off.  It has definitely been a season for me.

I thought back to the beginning of the hard and I would say that the hard started in 2017.  This was when Santi started feeling ill.  Before I knew what was happening and worried that it would be bad.  So many say that 2020 was the worst year of their lives but I contend that 2018 was the absolute worst years only to lead into 2020 and here we are in 2021 and I'm still here and breathing.  It's a miracle, isn't it?  I have come to realize that even though I'm a little nervous about the ride ending, I think I'm ready for it to end.  It may be scary moving forward but I think it would be harder not getting off and facing injury because I was too scared to move.  

God wants us to trust Him and to be courageous.  I think He knows that it can be scary but He gives us confidence to lean on Him and know that we are not alone and that there is a plan in place.  He told Joshua, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9.   

I am comforted.  I may have seasonal emotions but I have a consistent, every day, forever kind of God, who won't let me go.  Praise the Lord!!!

Keeping the Line Open

 I find myself praying a lot.  I mean, I find that I like the line open between God and myself.  I have a dear friend at work and there have been times when I have called her and she is running around in her day and we are talking but not really.  I may be writing.  I may be watching television.  I may be cleaning... but the line is open and I can hear her as her car makes clicks and clacks as she awaits to make a turn.  She narrates where she is and what she is doing.  

I do this with Geoff too.  "Yes, Miss."  I hear him answers when the barista asks him if that will be all.  I am there with him waiting for him to go back to telling me about his day.  He isn't talking to me but the line is open and there is comfort in getting to share this moment of his day to day.  

I like to keep the line open with God.  This is what it feels like.  I am driving and I say out loud, "So I was saying..." even though I haven't been talking since I started the car.  I don't even say, God.  I assume that He knows that I am talking to Him.  I bring Him everything.  The driver that cut me off; my upcoming oil change, my students, my job, my friends who ask for prayer.  Dear God, I start.  I come to Him in love and thankfulness.  I come to Him with shame at my behavior sometimes after I have willingly and gladly participated in gossip or became overly irritated and it showed!  I come to Him with my bloated belly feeling uncomfortable and chunky after eating too many Doritos (This has been known to happen).  I go to Him to pray for my former student who is currently drinking his life away and I can't seem to help.  This young man is in need of a Savior and I am not it.  So I go to the One who is and bring my many requests.  

I was on the hunt for gluten free pizza and coffee.  I was anxious and fretful as a situation that I could not help was building.  I was gratefully distracted by an amazing sunset.  As I parked my car to take a picture and turned around.  I saw a rainbow.  I love how God talks to me to tell me to let go.  He tell me don't worry.  He talks to me too.  There is solace in keeping my prayer line open to Him.  

The line is open even now as I am writing.  I am sitting at my desk today looking out the window at the sun shining brightly.  My children still sleep.  I slept in today and got some rest.  "Dear God... " I say.  I can feel the words in my heart.  I look up at the blue sky and without a doubt in the world, I know He hears me.   Thank you, Jesus.  Praise the Lord!!!

Powering Through

 I have reached the part of my journey that may be construed as a hard part.  But I will tell you that I am learning a lot from hiking.  Sometimes the trip down can be harder than the trip up.  I am on a downward run and I'm scared of tripping and falling... right off of the mountain.  I know that it is fear that is freezing me up for what is coming.  

This past weekend I went on a hike with Glenda.  It was treacherous I tell you.  I think the harder parts were on the way down knowing that I had to stretch my too short, thick legs over a rough part knowing that I had gravity and a cliff working against me.  But you know what?  My children got me hiking sticks for Christmas.  So you know what?  I leaned on the sticks until I was certain of my steps and then I kept on running.

I am working on some academic pursuits.  I have chosen some really sturdy sticks and now when I get scared, I lean on them.  I remember, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Phil. 4:13)  This gives me the ability to power though the hard, scary stuff.  And yes, it is hard and scary.  I am thankful for those who lift me in prayer not even knowing the circumstances but praying that my good God support me to see me though.  I am honored to be on this incredible journey.  Thank you for thinking of me.  Thank you for your prayers.  I am so thankful to you, Reader and to God.  I'm hoping that there are good plans for me from God, for my hope lies in Him.  Praise the Lord!!!

On Being Strong-Willed

 I know what you are thinking about.  What is going on with me?  I wish I could tell you.  My life is currently like hiking to Tom's Thumb. I know some of you have no idea what I'm talking about.  I will explain.  Glenda asked me to hike with her and she picked Tom's Thumb.  I didn't flinch when I a saw on All Trails that it was a hard trail.   I packed my water pack and brought my hiking sticks.  I began to climb the flat up and down that was the first part of the trail.  Then, came some pretty steep switchbacks.  How did I do it?  I rested after each switch.  Glenda didn't seem to mind that I needed to take my breath.  We got to the first scenic view and then there was an evening out for a bit.  There were about five different scenic views.  At the each of them I asked Glenda if we were at the thumb.  It seemed longer because I had no idea how long it would take me.  It was so much longer than I thought it would be.  And man, it was not an easy hike.  My life was just like that hike.  I know that I am going to get there but it's taking me longer than I expected. 

You should know that it was glorious up by that thumb.  It was beautiful and I want to believe it was worth it.  When we got to the top, Glenda and I ate almonds and cracked jokes as we looked out over the city of Scottsdale.  I cracked jokes and I knew that I was going to feel it the next day.  Going back down was way easier.  Isn't that the way with the return trip?  I passed landmarks and I understood each scenic view that I passed.  When I sat down in the car, I'm going to tell you that my legs were like butter.  Glenda bought me dinner.  I had to call my son to help me get out of the car.  My children laughed as they talked about it today. 

I have switchbacks ahead of me and I am resting as I climb.  I haven't gotten there yet but I am climbing.  It's just longer than I thought it would be.  I may be exhausted by the time that I get to the end but I know that I won't stop until I am done.  Ask Glenda.  She will tell you that I won't stop till I get to the end.  May I always be this strong-willed.  Praise the Lord!!!

Hiking

 I have never seen myself as a hiker.  I remember as a kid struggling with climbing.  It wasn't my thing.  Any minor incline and I would be winded.  I lived at the top of the hill going toward what I knew was Misericordia Hospital.  Later it would be called Our Lady of Mercy.  I don't know what it is called now.  I lived close to 233rd and White Plains.  About a mile from the main avenue is Bronx River Park.  It starts around where the Hospital starts and it goes several miles going south in the Bronx.  I used to love this park.  In order to build my stamina for climbing, I started waking up early and walking down by the river, then I would go slowly up and down the residential streets hoping to not be so winded.  I only did this two or three times before I gave up.

There are not many tall building in Arizona.  It is mostly a flat desert with one story houses and buildings.  I tried the stair climber machine in the gym and nearly died.  I can not do 5 minutes continuously.  After 2 minutes I start to break out in a sweat.  Doing this while wearing a mask is pure torture.  I am definitely not doing too well in the climbing department but I am fascinated at hiking.  

We went to Payson with the church to do one of the first Arizona hikes in my memory.  Janet was but a baby and at times I had to carry her because she would get tired.  Santi and I got lost with both our children and two children from another family.  Cliff VanderArk and his dog Heidi was with us at the time.  We had decided to take an easier path and got lost and separated from the main group.  We were found as we were closer to the end. Mike Darus injured himself as he carried little Janet.  He lost his footing and fell while holding her.  She was unscathed in the altercation.  I felt so bad.  I still feel bad.  We talked about going back and doing it again.  We never did..  

I have hiking sticks.  All of us have hiking boots, the children's courtesy of Geoff.  I walk with a backpack that has a bladder in it. I have hiked in Payson, Sedona, Flagstaff. This winter we are getting to know the hikes that are close by.  We may go to Tucson.  We explore places it's fun.  He calls and asks me which one.  I start looking, dreaming and drooling.  I tell hiking stories to my students and they have recommendations for me.  

It's hard starting at the bottom and looking up to see the peak.  I go slow.  My kids like to go ahead.  David used to be the one who would stay behind with me.  When he sees that Geoff is the one who walks with me, he is free to go ahead with his sister.  There is a metaphor in this.  Sometimes going down is harder than going up.  We are always happy and hungry when we are done.  I have never considered myself a hiker but it would appear that this older, chunky Latina is a hiker now.  Who would of thought it?  

The Devil and PMS are Liars!!!

 I think we are all so familiar with the concept of, "When it rains it pours."  That we automatically look for more stuff to come when things become overwhelming.  Hence the fact that people even before the year started looked toward 2021 with weary dry eyes wondering what fresh hell the year would bring us.  As if a year actually brought something.  

I am one who is more of a reflector.  I go through things and later look back to see what I did and how I felt.  I don't need to look back and see that this time has been hard.  It has been hard in a season of hardness.  Meeting Geoff has been nice but it doesn't take away or negate that we have been living in hard times.

This past week has brought with it more difficulty.  The capitol has been stormed and with this spark, those whose consciousness has been doused with gasoline regarding social injustice now have an inferno of implications to rail at.  There is a cascade of anger spurned on by the false righteousness of those who are happy that the mighty have fallen.  Rather than to dance and celebrate I look to God.  It never mattered who was in office because God is in control.  Here is the problem.  It is hard to bring your feelings under submission of the truth.  I want to feel what I want to feel regardless of the pure unadulterated fact that God is mighty and good and He has a plan.  

Let's add all this to me losing my wifi and then subsequently changing my plan and spending what seems like hours with Cox Cable representatives to restore what I am finding out I need.  How did we manage without wifi systems before?  I picked up a book because it was that alarming my dependence on being entertained.  This was STRESSFUL!!!  I was working and trying to provide data for my two children who are at home trying to learn during a pandemic. 

And then, there is what could only be PMS.  I'm pre-menopausal.  Yesterday as I sat watching my television NOT connect to the wifi, I felt it.  I felt so down.  Nothing is ever going to go right again.  I'm rereading Proverbs because I am one who desperately needs wisdom and God to handle life.  I read this devotional where it was said that we are here but a moment and after... eternity with God.  They talked of people with ailments and diseases.  They talked of those that spent their lives in pain and they lived this short life that we have before us.  Yesterday I was down..  Today... I am still down but I look toward heaven and God and I know and feel that God has a plan.  God is in control.  I may fail..  I have failed but God is with me.  If God is for me than who can be against me?  

I ate breakfast.  I had eggs, sausages and homefries with butter and seasoning.  I drank coffee and I had a slab of Hershey's special dark chocolate with almonds. I promise you that it is like some sort of drug.  I combed my hair and did my face a little.  Yes, I'm definitely feeling it now.  God is good.  Praise the Lord!!!