There is a trick though! There is something called menopause women my age must consider. It is a brilliant distractor to what is actually happening. It began with these minute hot flashes. I would walk and all of a sudden it would get hot, like really hot and I would begin to sweat. I am not prone to sweating so it was a surprise. I would get really thirsty all of a sudden. Lately, these sweats are accompanied by a loss of breath. I will tell you that there is something embarrassing about these hot flashes. One second you are dry and happy, the next second you are sweating in the middle of Wal-Mart. I have noticed that the onset of exercises and masks tend to make these hot flashes worse. I read somewhere that this peri-menopause can last up to 7 years. What!!!
Now... I'm going to mention this because I think I should and I am committed to being honest with you. If you are squeamish, I'll tell you to read no further. The rest of you... if you were not aware, then I will tell you of my experience. The flow is not the same. The texture, the smell... it changes. Like a stream, the flow that was once potent to the point of frustration and annoyance, peters out. I am glad. At least, I think I am glad. There is this idea that something is ending. All of this signals that our petals are drying up and there is a part of our lives we need to keep on living without the benefit of menstrual cycle. I should be happy but all I can do is picture myself drying up.
The other day, I woke up exhausted. I went to work and was sent home. I laid in bed and rested. I needed the rest. I didn't know what it was. I had some PMS symptoms. I mean, you still get symptoms. It felt like I had ran a marathon and I had some lower back pain. In my pre-peri-menopausal state, after the birth of my daughter, I had back cramps. It took me a few days to register that the fatigue, exhaustion and body pain is due to this hormonal imbalance. I'm a hormonal eater. I had tried to help it along with diet but this time around, it has been harder to rein in my appetite. I'm too tired in the evenings to really prep food. I'm lucky that the children will consume the sugary stuff. It leaves me to graze. I bought myself a bounty of vitamins. I recognize that I need some help with the nutrition stuff. I understand myself enough that I know that if I have sufficient nutrients, I will graze less on the bad stuff.
I think about God and His timing. I think about all of the other changes around me that I am contemplating. I think about this sweet man I am about to marry. I tell you, my cup runneth over. It is with God and His lens that I see the rest of the road before me. I think I may invest in a bevy of motivational t-shirts with lots of flowers and cats that I will match with some jersey shorts. I will buy my orthopedic friendly sandals and start saving for the RV that will take us everywhere. If I am to grow old, I will welcome it with God by my side, still thankful for the time He has given me on this earth. It's true that flowers dry up but sometimes they are used for compost to help the next generation. Such a blessing that is. Praise the Lord!