Tuesday, April 20, 2021

A Light in the Darkness

This time of transition is turning out to be a time of self-discovery as well.  I am teaching my students this week about GRIT.  It's true that I need some as well.  Today I woke up tired.  I can feel the heaviness of change upon me.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel.  I am quiet.  I am still.  I think I hear God tell me, "Move.  It is your time to move.  This is not a time of waiting.  This is a time of action."  I knew it was coming.  Now that it is here, I am tired.  I am like the child who waited all night for Santa to come and now that it is morning I can't seem to get going.  Isn't that always the case?

Who am I?  What am I here for?  I want to hold on to what I know about myself as I move along.  I am a light in dark places. I don't know what the next road will lead to.  I know what I am right now.  Maybe I am gearing up to rest and be renewed but the journey is not over yet and I need to end one before I start another.  What is to become of me?  I don't know.  I lift my face to the sky.  In Arizona, the sky is a beautiful thing to behold to me.  The expanse can be seen in 360 degrees.  I take a deep breath.  I find that in my fatigue, I am thankful.  "Help me to the end of this journey, Lord."  This is my short and sweet prayer.  

I continue to be a light in dark places.  I continue to be one who hears.  I don't think I ever told you this story before.  I was living in New York.  We lived in a small apartment off of Grand Concourse.  I was married to Santi and I'm not sure if the children were in the picture or not. I remember dreaming of a desert-scape.  In this place, I was among a Native Tribe.  At the time, I didn't know of any Native People.  I was in a ceremony.  In this ceremony, I was given a name.  "One Who Hears."  I remember waking up and telling my husband of the dream.  We laughed.  I always had the weirdest stories.  Recently, my pastor preached about Peter and his name.  He was once known as Simon- this name also means one who hears.  I thought of my dream and my dream name.  I think of my current purpose now.  There is every possibility I am but a silly woman who considers the things she remembers of dreams.  I am still for a moment.  Isn't being still a form of prayer?  Instead of fretting, I listen.  I am trusting God.  Instead of the many plans and to do lists, I pray.  There are no words, just an attitude of prayer.  In my silence and stillness; in my listening, I pray.  There is a little more wick for the journey.  There is a little more wax.  When was the last time you prayed in silence, Friend?  When was the last time you left it all with God? Today I am praising the God who listens to the prayers in the silence.  Praise the Lord!

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