Thursday, April 22, 2021

Giving Up

My plan for this school year is to not return.  When asked why, my response is usually that I'm tired.  I'm tired and burnt out.  I look into the faces of my students during this difficult Covid school year.  I try talking to the ones that are at home and not really listening.  I try and talk to the ones that are in front of me in person and I know that even so, they are hearing only a percentage, they don't hear everything.  I have told them all that I have meant to say.  I have repeated lessons for them.  I'm sure that I have more to give but not at this school.  Not returning feels a lot like giving up.  

I think a little of those who have left somewhere.  I think of Lot's wife who left Sodom and Gomorrah but who turned back and was turned into a pillar of salt.  Would his daughters have taken advantage of him had she not turned back?  Her actions had more consequences than for just her.  I pray that God does not work with me the same way that he worked with Lot's wife. 

I am asked what my next stop will be.  I have been asked this a lot.  I don't know.  I really don't.  I have been asking myself what my purpose is.  What if I fail?  I may fail.  What if I don't have any more energy for a moment?  I feel that God is big on rest and I need it.  I need a little rest.  I have been treading water for years and I am getting ready to sit for a moment and do something else with my life, this short life that God has given me.  I turn around and give it all to Jesus.  He has a better idea of what to do with it than I do.  

One day you will have to end a journey.  It will feel a little like giving up.  I pray that it is the purpose of the Lord that you end your journey.  I pray that you are able to not fret but to give it to God.  Talk to Him because He has a plan in place. As I move forward I can almost hear Him saying that rest is coming, hold on.  I think of Philippians 4: 6-7
    " not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving  let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

I pray that these changes are the will of God.  I pray that I can finish well.  I pray that God allows for the next phase to begin.  I pray.  I pray.  I pray.  Prayer feels better than worrying about things.  God has a plan and I am praying to put my trust in it.  Praise the Lord!!!

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