Wednesday, March 10, 2021

Writing Therapy

Today I have had a lot of things happen to me.  These series of actions have left me... sad.  I am sad and disappointed.  Let me explain to you the process.  I hear of the first action.  This left me unsettled and upset but I continue moving forward.  Then, I come to find out that this first action has resulted in a chain reaction.  Apologies were issued and forgiveness has been doled out.  I pray to God.  I ask Him to help me to treat other humans as... human.  I am human too.  With this... humanity, I feel emotions.  I'm telling you that I felt badly. 

I talk to my son about this all the time.  He broke a prized wineglass one day while washing dishes.  I was hurt about the broken wineglass.  He apologized but he didn't understand why I was still upset.  I was still upset because, although he apologized I was still hurt.  I was still dealing with the business of being human. This is a similar circumstance.

You should know that I am working on my first response to be prayer.  I'm casting my cares upon God because He cares about me (I Peter 5:7). I keep a prayer journal and I find that I write a lot to try and process what I am thinking.  I go to Him first because then I won't let my emotions bubble up on everything.  I can hear and see things without the filter of my emotions.  

I don't know why these things happen.  I work with at risk teens and I have to remember that they will mess up.  I am aware that they are humans working toward being better humans.  Another friend of mine has decided to change her life and lose weight.  She is starting off small but I want to be next to her celebrating the small victories of choosing water over soda. I want to tell her that tomorrow starts again when she has had a bad day.  She is trying.  I don't want to pooh pooh her efforts.  That effort is a big thing.  I know about this.  This effort denotes intention and intention starts with the heart, doesn't it? What a blessing to be next to someone who is trying something new?  What a blessing it is to encourage a heart to move forward and do good?  

Jeremiah 17: 10 states, 
"I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve." 

Dear Sweet Friends, the Bible says that there are none that are righteous, there are none on this earth who does good (Romans 3: 10).  We all mess it up and I am guilty of this.  With this sin marking me, I know that I deserve death on some cross.  I am grateful that I have been redeemed by the blood of Christ. All should be forgiven...  as I am forgiven.  How bad is it to repay evil with evil and perpetuate upon this fragile earth, this cycle of evil.  Let it end with me.
There is every possibility that I have said something wrong in this post.  There is every possibility that someone will read into this.  I am feeling better. I weigh if I should even post this blog post.  Here is the thing.  I needed to write these words.  This blog is therapy.  This blog is to help me process and to be transparent about my process- maybe someone needs to read this, so they can write their thoughts down to God or to process them so they can absorb a little more of that evil that is going around these days.  Well... not evil, just a series of actions that enabled me to bring it all to God to pray about it and be reminded of my humanity.

Friends, be in prayer.  Read the Word and be a light in dark places.  We are reading Peter in church. Did you know that he is a man after my own heart?  He was a hot mess on toast with butter.  But did you know that God gave this guy the keys to the kingdom?  I am still reading Old Pete's letters today.   It wasn't really about Peter but God.  God likes to take us broken humans to tell His story.  May I be so worthy.   

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