Small and Intimate

When my daughter was smaller, she wanted a birthday party.  She is my sweet extrovert.  I remember trying to figure out how to throw a party for her.  I ended up a few years in Peter Piper.  One year I threw her a marvelous Valentine's Day party... Her birthday is in January.  I couldn't do it sooner.  Recently, I was talking to Janet and she mentioned how truly uncomfortable I always looked playing hostess at her parties.  

I don't know when it was that I knew that I was not good at throwing parties or having a party thrown in my honor.  I think I was in high school.  I still remember the fiasco of my Sweet Sixteen party.  I wanted a night out in a pretty dress eating at a fancy restaurant.  Instead, a surprise party was thrown in my honor and I was ungrateful and anxious.  

I cried every time I thought of having a big wedding the first time I got married.  There was so much planning and I did it all.  I was proposed to in the same year that my father passed away.  I couldn't imagine walking down the aisle without him.  My cousin, Ricky was lent to me by my dear cousin, Dee.  Her father did a great job walking me down the aisle and dancing with me at the reception; but I missed my father and the whole day I kept back tears because he wasn't there.  

People are so sweet, congratulating me on our engagement.   They ask me for a date for the wedding.  I don't know.  I'm hoping to wake up soon and say, "Today's the day."  I'm thinking that it will be soon.  I have an outfit and I have been looking at some outfits for the children.  The Vegas wedding is becoming a backyard wedding somewhere.  Already my heart is racing.  Anything else than Vegas means planning.  I think the Runaway Bride had the right idea getting married on a hill with a minister somewhere and just announcing it when she was ready.  Am I the only one like this?  

Let's see what happens.  Whatever may happen, I'll let you know... after the fact.  I have all of these things up in the air.  I pray, "God, I don't know but I'm trusting in You with everything."  That's all.  Praise the Lord!!!