Friday, September 11, 2020

The In-Betweens

I have always had strong feelings about my crazy curly hair.  Right now I have it long but I have had it super short, medium length, with bangs, only using a ponytail, frizzy, straight, layers, etc...  You get the idea. I mention it because it is the best way to illustrate an in-between phase.  If you really want to know about my hair right now, it is long but I have about 5 good inches of rough ends because I dyed my hair last year and my hair didn't appreciate it one bit.  I had wanted it past my waist and healthy but even though it is close, it is still not where I want it to be.  Have you ever cut bangs?  Have you ever waited for your bangs to grow out?  Uncomfortable?  Yeah.  

There are a lot of things in my life right now that feel (not are) "in-between."  I have a tween, a teen living with me.  I am finishing up a degree (hopefully).  I sit here now on a break from work.  I think people are expecting a response. I don't really have one.  I'm just treading water or jogging to try and get to the next phase.  I want to stand here and be upset.  I want to sit here and complain.  I do!!!  Let me try it. 
"This sucks."  
"I don't like this in-betweeness." 
"I don't always know what to do."  
"I may not be comfortable."  
"I don't know how to start things sometimes."
"I don't know if I know how to finish things either."  
Okay.  That didn't really help at all.  I still have all the things I have to do and now I'm a complainer.  That's not good.

Let me try something else...

Dear God,
Dear God,
Dear God,
I don't really know how to pray right now.  I'm not sure I should pray this prayer in such a public forum.  I believe in You, God.  I believe that You have a plan, that you have a plan for my life.  God, I'm not really sure how to be a good teacher.  I don't know if talking to kids is effective.  I don't know if I'm a good mom or even a good human.  In fact, I'm sure that I am mediocre and there are definitely somethings that I am failing at.  Me, by myself is not very impressive, but I am not by myself, am I?  You are with me.  Your rod and staff comfort me (Psalm 23).  Even if I never leave this in-between.  I look to You as the source of my hope and my joy.  You are with me, God.  Thank You.


I'm smiling now.  It's that easy.  I may log off and have to pray again.  I can do that.  I may have to say a mini prayer every minute of every day.  I'm okay with that.  Honestly it's not so bad.  I can't wait to see what God has in store.  Praise the Lord!

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