I have a lot of things on my plate these days. I have them surrounding me like projects we do to keep us busy. I ask myself, "What do I have to do? How do I have to do it? When is it due?" Then I start worry creep in. Can I do this all? Why have I set myself up like this? Oh no!!! I think I do it to myself like we all tend to do it to ourselves.
We also create rules for ourselves. I think they were initially meant to help. We tell ourselves, "I can't go out until I clean my room but my room never seems to be clean and I would love to go out." So you sit trying to cleaning a room knowing that what you really need is to go out and get some fresh air and enjoy the wonderful day God gave you. We tell ourselves things that may not be true too. "If I don't clean up this room then my adult card will be taken away because only real adults have clean rooms."
There were days that I felt this acutely. I would wake up and even before I would open my eyes, I would hear a voice say, "You're a mess. You don't count as a grown up. You will never get your life together." Man!!! Satan is such a liar!!! I think he sits around trying to drag us down. He sits there and tells us, "You have to... You should... You could... Why don't you..." And then when it gets hard he sits there and says, "I knew you couldn't. Can't do it can you? LOL!!! That's what you get! You are nothing but a failure. You will never be anything! You are not worth the blood of Christ dying for you on the cross." You see, a pristine Savior didn't come to earth and degradate Himself by becoming human for the likes of Satan. Jesus did not endure death on the cross for the likes of ole Lucifer. I would say that the devil is the greatest hater that ever existed.
So... what do I do? You see when you don't know what to do, worrying seems to be the grown up thing to do. God tells us not to worry about a thing. (Be anxious for nothing... Philippians 4:6). He tells us to be like children. (I tell you the truth, you must become like this little child... Matthew 18:4). God is in control and He has got this. I am left like someone who takes a project over.
It makes me feel a little irresponsible sitting there just twiddling my fingers while God handles my life. This is what gets me into trouble. I ask, "Should I be just sitting here? Shouldn't I be doing something else?" Maybe... I think of the story of Martha and Mary. Man, I'm Martha. There she is running around getting everything ready because Jesus has come around and He has people with Him. You start looking around through other people's eyes and all of a sudden, you realize that you should have dusted and mopped. She starts cooking and getting some food ready because what will people think. She goes up to Jesus and her sister is sitting there listening. "Jesus, look at my lazy sister!!! Tell her to help!!"
Jesus tells Martha that she is worried about many things when there is only one thing to worry about and her sister not doing work is not it. He then says that Mary picked the right thing to do. (Luke 10:38-42). Instead of freaking out, do yourself a favor and pray. Just because it may feel irresponsible does not mean that it is irresponsible. Trust in God and Praise the Lord!!!!