Sunday, September 6, 2020

A Bad Mood

 I'm in a strange mood.  It borders on a bad mood.  I want to trace this emotion which is a combination of restlessness, exhaustion and anxiety.  I am pondering the future and I am coming up with unknowns.  I look around at all I need to be doing.  I think about how fleeting time is.  I am sitting here at my desk thinking and making lists on all I need to do or should be doing.  I have grading to do.  I have lessons to prepare.  I have academic writing to catch up with.  

I put on my mom hat.  I have spent several minutes attempting to log on to the grade system for my son's school to no avail.  I have assignments to check and I have mom guilt that I have to deal with.  Should I work with the children right now on what they have to do for school?  Yes, there are chores to do.  I am still in transition.  I am currently attempting to declutter my life and my room.  Honestly I don't need any of it.  I have worked so very hard on building a wardrobe that can be flexible.  Now I see clothes and I am like, "Is this me?"  I have talked about how I am rebuilding an identity and now I am asking what do I want to say with my choices.

No one ever said that a bad mood would not be promised.  I feel that I am snapping more.  I don't want to be like this.  I ask myself what I need and I don't know.  I'm sharing this with you because I think it is important to talk about these things.  How do you deal with a bad mood?  I'm not hungry.  I'm not sleepy.  I would like to go outside but it is too hot right now.  I am praying.  I have my journal out and I am praying.  I don't have words.  No words come out but I still pray.  I may have to pray the whole day.  Unknown things that make you feel anxious requires lots of prayers.  I'm not even sure what I am anxious about.  I know it will go away later.  I'm dealing with it now.  I'm praising God anyway.  I'll let you know what happens.  In the meantime, praise the Lord!!!

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