I'm in a strange mood. It borders on a bad mood. I want to trace this emotion which is a combination of restlessness, exhaustion and anxiety. I am pondering the future and I am coming up with unknowns. I look around at all I need to be doing. I think about how fleeting time is. I am sitting here at my desk thinking and making lists on all I need to do or should be doing. I have grading to do. I have lessons to prepare. I have academic writing to catch up with.
I put on my mom hat. I have spent several minutes attempting to log on to the grade system for my son's school to no avail. I have assignments to check and I have mom guilt that I have to deal with. Should I work with the children right now on what they have to do for school? Yes, there are chores to do. I am still in transition. I am currently attempting to declutter my life and my room. Honestly I don't need any of it. I have worked so very hard on building a wardrobe that can be flexible. Now I see clothes and I am like, "Is this me?" I have talked about how I am rebuilding an identity and now I am asking what do I want to say with my choices.
No one ever said that a bad mood would not be promised. I feel that I am snapping more. I don't want to be like this. I ask myself what I need and I don't know. I'm sharing this with you because I think it is important to talk about these things. How do you deal with a bad mood? I'm not hungry. I'm not sleepy. I would like to go outside but it is too hot right now. I am praying. I have my journal out and I am praying. I don't have words. No words come out but I still pray. I may have to pray the whole day. Unknown things that make you feel anxious requires lots of prayers. I'm not even sure what I am anxious about. I know it will go away later. I'm dealing with it now. I'm praising God anyway. I'll let you know what happens. In the meantime, praise the Lord!!!