Taxes

They say that nothing is certain in this life but death and taxes.  This post has both.  This past week, I have been on Spring Break.  There are a lot of little pieces that I am working with and none of them are going my way.  Today has been one of those crazy days but I want to say that I am definitely in some sort of season.  I would like to focus on something as wonderful as taxes. 

Last year I did my taxes late.  I couldn't even remember what day was what.  I was completely numb.  It was all very difficult.  It feels like a fall.  Have you ever taken a fall?  I mean, I used to fall all the time as a kid.  There you go running and feeling almost like you are flying and all of a sudden... Clunk.  You went down.  I have spoken of this.  My friend sent me an excellent giphy of just such a thing.  Well, you don't even realize the damage that you have incurred until much later.  Well, let's just say that in my life, it's much later.  I went on Friday to sit with my tax professional.  Every page had SPOUSE DECEASED on it.  Something long buried began to rise to the surface as I started talking about my past year.  It was like something was loosened.  By the end, I was signing for my husband and I could feel the lump in my throat and the tears begin to start.  It is the last time that I am filing as married filing jointly.  Next year I will file as a widow.  The following year I will file as Head of Household.  I think it was the way that the tax professional said, "Married filing jointly is best."  I wanted to tell him that this is no longer an option for me.  I wanted to tell him that I would if I could but I can't so I won't.  There were no words.  I held myself together and just tried to make it to the car.  I couldn't stop crying till Sunday evening. 

The preaching on Sunday talked about casting my anxiety on God in I Peter 5. I don't want my anxiety.  I'm waiting on things.  I am waiting to hear back on things.  I am working on work stuff and school stuff.  Waiting causes me anxiety but I think God can handle it. 

I don't know who is reading these posts of mine.  I know that I need to write them as much as someone needs to read them.  This week, keep my little family in prayer.  Thanks.  Until then, thankfully there is something else besides death and taxes that is certain.  God.  God is certain.  Amen for that.