Wednesday, October 12, 2022

Graduation Day

 It's night time already.  Let me tell you about my day.  Today was not like me.  I like to prepare and then prepare some more.  I usually like to have all of my Ts crossed and my Is dotted, if you know what I mean.  I didn't have too many ideas today on how it would all go down.  I mean, I had been thinking about graduation for years but not this graduation at this time.  Not getting the degree that I started out with has me feeling like an imposter.  I guess this is at the root of everything.

So, I had planned on doing my hair.  I did my nails.  I didn't have an outfit planned.  I didn't know the flow of the day.  I got up and was overwhelmed.  I wonder what Santi would have thought had he been here today.  I think he would have been proud of me.  I think all of my loved ones on the other side would have been proud but somehow I feel like I have let them down.  I aimed too high and I am only coming home with second prize.  

There is an acknowledgement and dedication page I will still post.  I'm working on that for later on in the week.  And yet, today there were moments that were hard and I couldn't put my finger on why.  As I got ready, I cried.  My husband had to talk me down. He told me he was proud of me.  Am I such a big critic that I can't be proud of myself?  It took me forever to get myself together and I drove myself to graduation while my husband went to pick up the children.  

It was lonely driving over to the university by myself and super early.  I kept on sweating and I ended up moving and then sweating some more.  I loved where I sat and I was happy to sit with some women who were graduating with me.  There was peace as I posted and people watched.  I waited for my family to arrive.  

There were some errors.  I mean, there were more than just a few issues.  Apparently, I didn't remind people that there were no purses and it had to be see through.  Some people didn't know where the graduation was to take place.  The lady saying my name mispronounced it and my people were barely able to catch me as I walked across the stage.  I'm sitting here thankful.  I don't know what God has in store but I want to believe that there are still big things in front of me.  Praise the Lord!

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