My dream of a break usually consists of laying somewhere slightly warm and sunny where I can watch something beautiful for long periods of time comfortably. The first thing that comes to mind is a beach somewhere. I one time told my friend, Ray after an exhausting season that I would like nothing more than having a bed on a beach somewhere. That request did not go through.
This break was not as relaxing as I would have liked. Instead of relaxing, I cleaned, spring cleaning. I can tell you that it isn't as thrilling as it sounds. In total honesty, I confess to just doing the basic stuff during the normal work week and neglecting the deeper cleaning that should be done. I don't know how the rest of you do it, honestly. Even now as I look around my living room where I am writing this post, I notice a shelf that did not get dusted. I think to myself, "How can I be better?" I love to hear from those people who seem to have it all together. They get up early to work out. They have the discipline to eat better than I do. Their homes are spotless. I'm tired just writing about them.
The other thing is that I scheduled time to be with friends. Adults, especially women, easily get bogged down into their own lives. We are busy people. There are days that I'm halfway through my day when I realize that I didn't do something essential. I didn't pray. I didn't read the Bible. I didn't spend time with God, which I feel is different than praying. It's like sitting down remembering the goodness of God and being thankful. This attitude of gratitude fuels my joy and the joy of the Lord is ultimately my strength. How many times have we heard it and yet, don't follow. I'm raising my hand.
This morning, first thing, even before I opened my eyes, I was in a bad mood. There were so many things that I didn't get to do yet and then I find that I may not get to do them. I start mentally railing on my circumstances and the people around me, in my head. Things like, "I would have been able to have more time if my kids or my husband would have helped me! How do I end up doing everything? Why do I put myself in t hese positions? I'm not going to do anything anymore." I mean, I can get really in my feelings and this morning, I was. I recognized that I needed to pray. So I took all of this negativity. I thought about talkiing it through with someone, but how is this fair? Humans are not made to take the junk of others. That's taxing. That just puts a lot of negativity and strain back out into the world. Do I really need to share the vileness that I find in my heart? No, I don't. Instead I went and I brought it all to God in my prayer journal. By the time I finished writing, I was praising God again.
Today is St. Patrick's Day. I saw a shirt that said, "Not lucky, blessed." This is what I feel today. I feel blessed and I know that it isn't just chance that brings it to me. It's God. I pray that I can spread his message of light and love instead of the darkness and hate that is found in my own heart. Alleluia and Praise the Lord!
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